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About this blog

Laughs, dramas, and data from below the waterline. From author of national best-seller Cruise Confidential, Brian David Bruns.

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Entries in this blog

Does the cruise have to end?

When you, dear passenger, step off the gangway for the last time, you are filled with a despondency that is barely tempered by the memories of good times. Why, oh why, you lament, does the cruise have to end? Ah, but it doesn’t have to end! Now you can book a cruise that is the last you’ll ever need to arrange. For you, the cruise will never, ever end. Indeed, it’s for eternity. Cool, huh? Not really. You’ll be dead. My Final Cruise specializes in arranging details for those who have ‘moved
BrianDavidBruns

BrianDavidBruns

2

Halloween Crew Party

Halloween is the one glorious night where you are not only free, but encouraged, to embrace that which brings fear and loathing into the hearts and minds of common man. A cross-dressing man fits into that category as snugly as, say, Freddie Kruger or H.R. Giger’s Alien. But sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Gathering a Halloween costume of any kind while sailing the Mediterranean is no small task, but even more so on the Wind Surf. Though the world’s largest sailing ship, she was st
BrianDavidBruns

BrianDavidBruns

2

Advice from a Recovered Art Auctioneer

There is much to enjoy in an art auction aboard a cruise ship. The auction process can be quite entertaining for those who participate, and art itself can bring stimulation into even the most dreary life. Yet there is much to fear. I have been a professional artist, art historian, and also art dealer, and can assure you that being fleeced by an art dealer is by no means restricted to ships. First I will discuss some tips about the art world in general, then specifically about ships. The eas
BrianDavidBruns

BrianDavidBruns

1

Cruise Cabin Cage Fight

One would think that having my own, personal cabin would protect me from unwelcome surprises due to strangers. One would be wrong. First sight of my cabin on Sensation was a doozy. It was an interior guest cabin with beds against two different walls. The room reeked of fish. “What’s with the separate bunks?” I asked my departing counterpart, Robin. “Aren’t you here with your girlfriend?” He was about to answer when a very tall, attractive woman entered. She was six feet tall and, while plea
BrianDavidBruns

BrianDavidBruns

2

Rumble Yell: Discovering America's Biggest Bike Ride

Hello all! I'm not dead. I promise. I greatly appreciate the inquiries about where I've gone. I've been insanely busy with preparation for my new book, Rumble Yell. This will be released this summer, but before that there is a big ol' project that I'm launching with Kickstarter to get it into my fan's lovingly greedy little hands sooner. So with all necessary apologies for this blog not being about ships, I would like to share with you an adventure I had, which led to surely my funniest book.
BrianDavidBruns

BrianDavidBruns

0

Titanic Dining Returns to... Where?!

1912, North Atlantic Ocean 1952, Trianon Palace Hotel, Versailles 2012, Lake Las Vegas What do these three locations have in common? A sunken unsinkable ship. Duh. We’ll all heard of the ill-fated R.M.S. Titanic. We all know she was built for the super-rich, having the most elegant designs, the newest technologies, the oldest wines, and Europe’s finest chefs. We’ve all seen the movie—unless you’re a heartless communist. (Just kidding). Many of us know the immortal names associated
BrianDavidBruns

BrianDavidBruns

2

Crew Survival Training

Survival training is an amusing label for watching a few videos on watertight doors and garbage separation, followed by quizzes on how many kilojoules of energy each survivor on a life raft was allocated per day. Still, the films are far from boring. These are shockers reminiscent of what I saw on graduation day at my high school driving class. ‘Blood Flows Red on the Highway’ becomes ‘Blood Flows Red on the High Seas.’ There were simulations of sinking ships and drowning people more intense tha
BrianDavidBruns

BrianDavidBruns

0

Gold Medals for Outstanding Performance?

Olympic gold medalist Hope Solo has vindicated what I’ve been saying since I wrote Cruise Confidential. Alas, it did not involve meeting the sexy sports legend, but merely her quote. A highly relevant quote. “There’s a lot of sex going on,” she stated to ESPN in July. "With a once-in-a-lifetime experience, you want to build memories, whether it's sexual, partying, or on the field. I've seen people having sex right out in the open. On the grass, between buildings, people are getting down and
BrianDavidBruns

BrianDavidBruns

8

America Means Deodorant

What do you say to a group of thirty scared, exhausted, but excited people who have flown 5,000 to 10,000 miles from home to start a new job at sea? What words can simultaneously console both a macho Bulgarian man and a timid Indonesian woman? Upon joining Carnival Fantasy’s restaurant training, I heard the following spiel, more or less, and found it engaging. “Let me welcome you aboard,” said the trainer. “We are going to have a lot of fun, and we are going to do a lot of work. I guarantee
BrianDavidBruns

BrianDavidBruns

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