One of the great benefits of my husband’s recent retirement is his enthusiasm about making me a homemade lunch each day, lovingly packed into my L.L. Bean lunch bag and accompanied by a yellow note containing a game, puzzle, quiz or some other “assignment” to pass away the lunch hour. Today’s note contained blank lines numbered 1 through 12, headed by the title, “Name the 12 Days of Christmas.” I am nobody’s poet and not the most creative girl in the world, but I decided to give it a shot with my own twisted lyrics, sung to the famous classic tune, “The 12 Days of Christmas.”  Please be kind ...

Ready, let's sing ...

• On the FIRST day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:  A cruise on a tropical sea.
• On the SECOND day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:  Two credit cards and A cruise on a tropical sea.
• On the THIRD day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:  Three shore excursions, Two credit cards, and A cruise on a tropical sea.
• On the FOURTH day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:  Four bingo cards, Three shore excursions, Two credit cards and A cruise on a tropical sea.
• On the FIFTH day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:  Five pairs of shoes  — Four bingo cards, Three shore excursions, Two credit cards and A cruise on a tropical sea.
• On the SIXTH day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:  Six sexy swimsuits — Five pairs of shoes — Four bingo cards, Three shore excursions, Two credit cards and A cruise on a tropical sea.
• On the SEVENTH day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:  Seven travel buddies, Six sexy swimsuits — Five pairs of shoes — Four bingo cards, Three shore excursions, Two credit cards and A cruise on a tropical sea.
• On the EIGHTH day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:  Eight airline tickets,  Seven travel buddies, Six sexy swimsuits — Five pairs of shoes — Four bingo cards, Three shore excursions, Two credit cards and A cruise on a tropical sea.
• On the NINTH day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:  Nine frozen mudslides,  Eight airline tickets, Seven travel buddies, Six sexy swimsuits - Five pairs of shoes — Four bingo cards, Three shore excursions, Two credit cards and A cruise on a tropical sea.
• On the TENTH day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:  Ten trashy novels, Nine frozen mudslides, Eight airline tickets, Seven travel buddies, Six sexy swimsuits — Five pairs of shoes — Four bingo cards, Three shore excursions, Two credit cards and A cruise on a tropical sea.
• On the ELEVENTH day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:  Eleven margaritas, Ten trashy novels, Nine frozen mudslides, Eight airline tickets, Seven travel buddies, Six sexy swimsuits — Five pairs of shoes — Four bingo cards, Three shore excursions, Two credit cards and A cruise on a tropical sea.
• On the TWELFTH day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:  Twelve tubes of sunscreen, Eleven margaritas, Ten trashy novels, Nine frozen mudslides, Eight airline tickets, Seven travel buddies, Six sexy swimsuits — Five pairs of shoes — Four bingo cards, Three shore excursions, Two credit cards and A cruise on a tropical sea!

Happy Holidays!