GottaCruz

So how'd you get started cruising? Do you remember the ship, line and ports of call you visited? I know I do... just like it was yesterday! I can't believe it has been nearly ten years ago, but I sailed Carnival Imagination to Belize and Key West from Miami, Florida. Oh, and what a cruise it was! The food, people and did I say the food? I was a wee little lad when I first cruised and Imagination would have never been around if my mom didn't take her first cruise the year before. She went with a bunch of her girlfriends and had a blast! But I noticed the strangest thing when she returned.
Besides the sun burn, loads of sovuneirs for her one and only (yeah, that's me) and the amazing pics she shared, her stories were so mezmorizing. She told me everything! "Shon! They had this... and that. Oh, and one night they did this... and that. You would have really loved it!" I hung onto every word like a good, attentive child (because I never did any wrong, hehe). Then she started going in-depth about the kids programs and I really started having a fit! I was at a lost. I thought she went with a bunch of adults? How did she know so much about Camp Carnival? Was this a set-up? Nonetheless, she REALLY got me going then and I begged and pleaded and prayed and hoped and begged some more until she finally gave in and took me on my first cruise!
So, mom and I sat down and narrowed our cruise selection to three ships--Carnival Fascination, Carnival Imagination or Carnival Triumph--and she let ME make the final call (how nice of her, right?)! Well, the rest is history. Now nearly 30 cruises later, I'm still sailing the high seas! From Costa Cruises to NCL and even MSC, I have found that momma truly does know best. So if your mom tells you that a cruise is something you'll love, you better listen because you never know. You may go from vacation lover, to passion sharer, to enjoying an addiction worth living for! Until we talk ship next week--Shon!
Can't wait a week until my next blog post? Cruise on over to The Ocean Escape which is the other blog I author with cruisetacular goodness! Your ships await!

Congratulations to my latest cruise book, Unsinkable Mister Brown, which won the bronze at the London Book Festival. This marks the second international award for the book, (also took the silver medal in Paris). For those not familiar with my Cruise Confidential series, Unsinkable Mister Brown is the third book, but actually a prequel and a good starting place. I say an excerpt is in order! Here’s how to get a job on a cruise ship: persistence, bribes, and a lot of lies!
An hour later we were sitting in the office of Ovidiu, the Romanian recruiting agent for Carnival Cruise Lines. He was a slender man with a handsome face, a very handsome wardrobe, and an extremely handsome office. His suite comprised the entire second floor of a brick building, featuring numerous windows looking into a lush interior court. Light filtered in through an angled glass skylight and past his mezzanine entrance, making it look like a bridge over a jungle. “Americans can’t handle ships,” he said.
“So I hear,” I replied, giving Bianca an amused look. She sat in the chair beside mine, looking relaxed but serious.
“What is it you think I can do for you?” Ovidiu asked. “I am a recruiter for Romanians, not Americans. There are no American recruiters, of course.”
“So I hear,” I repeated. “Why is that?”
“Because none apply,” he replied thoughtfully, leaning back. “Why would you want to? The work is very hard, and the money is very small.”
Bianca raised an eyebrow, and Ovidiu hastily added, “For an American.”
“I’m not thinking big,” I said. “It’s just a waiter job. I’ve been in restaurants for a decade.”
“Not on ships, you haven’t,” he pointed out. “Do you know computers?”
“He knows computers,” Bianca interrupted, before I could protest.
“Other than doctors, who are supernumeraries anyway, and entertainers, who have their own agencies, the only position I can even think of for an American would involve computers.”
“I just want to be a waiter, man,” I repeated.
Ovidiu leaned forward skeptically. “Why?”
“My reasons are irrelevant.”
“No, they’re not,” Ovidiu insisted. “Why would they bother with someone who will just quit? They’ll want to know your story before they even think of meeting you. And believe me, they’ll need to meet you.”
“I want to be with Bianca,” I explained. “If we have the same job, we can be together. That simple.”
“I see,” he said, nodding. “Well, in my ten years at Carnival, I’ve never seen even one American. I would not even talk to you, but Bianca is a good employee and a friend. Again, what is it you think I can do for you?”
“You can think Romanian-style,” Bianca answered for me. “Not American-style.”
Ovidiu thought for a moment, frowning. “No, that won’t work. The bribes are to convince me, and you don’t need to worry about that. Really, Bianca, I would sign him on if I could. I can’t.” He opened a drawer from his desk and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. We declined his offer, so he casually lit one for himself. He leaned towards me, elbows on the desk. “You want to know why Bianca doesn’t need to bribe me?”
“Suddenly I’m not so sure.”
“Bianca is the only one who almost beat me. Almost, of course.”
I looked at Bianca, but she said nothing. Her delicate wiggle of satisfaction was corroboration enough.
“As agent to cruise ships, my job is to screen people. If I like them, and there is a job opening, I find the right place for them. Bianca applied for the restaurants. That’s the highest paid job, so everybody applies for it first. It is also the toughest, so I don’t let them by easily.” He paused, grinned, and offered Bianca a cigarette again. This time she accepted, leaning forward to accept the light with a creak of leather skirt.
“She said she worked at a certain restaurant. I called the owner and he said, ‘oh, of course, she has worked here for years!’ That, of course, only meant she could lie and bribe. Romanian-style. Turns out, she only volunteered there for a summer.”
Bianca shrugged, explaining, “I needed to learn restaurants.”
“I knew she was lying, but couldn’t catch her. She was too smart. She had asked all of her waitress friends penetrating questions and listened close. I asked her this and that, and of her experiences here and there. She had an answer for all of it. The performance was amazing.”
Bianca laughed, and added, “Until Ovidiu pulled his bloody secret weapon from the filing cabinet!”
Reflecting upon what I knew of Romanians thus far, I presumed this meant a large knife.
“A linen napkin,” Ovidiu clarified. “I told her ‘You said you know half a dozen napkin folds. Show me.’ She wilted before my very eyes, like a Gypsy had spit in her ice cream. I told her to relax, go have a cigarette, then come back. I had her paperwork done by then.”
“All that to be a waiter?” I asked. “It’s not rocket science.”
Ovidiu leaned back again. He casually blew his smoke into the air, then looked me in the eye. “You have no idea what you’re getting into, do you?”
The London Book Festival awards ceremony will be held Jan. 24th in London. Until then, the most popular formats of Unsinkable Mister Brown will be 50% off. See my website for details at http://brev.is/mS94

In previous posts, I spoke of the personality differences between my husband and myself. David likes to fill every moment of his vacation with all manner of entertainment, where I like to curl up in a quiet corner with a good book or simply sit and watch the world go by. He likes to arise well before dawn, eager and ready to face the day, where I would just as soon roll over and catch a few more hours of precious slumber, maybe have a leisurely breakfast on the balcony – when we’re lucky enough to have a balcony. For the most part, it works. He goes out at 5:00 a.m. to conquer the world, and I happily go back to sleep or relax with a Folger’s moment, mesmerized by the sea. He goes to the ship’s art auction, swigs the free cheap bubbly, and lays down money for some piece of art I probably won’t like, while I relocate myself to a poolside deck chair and continue what I came on a cruise to do in the first place – absolutely nothing! For the most part, this arrangement works very well – content to go off and do our own thing for a time and come together later over a drink, when he talks about the money he lost in the casino, and I discuss the variety of swimwear, the movie showing on the big screen, or the overabundance of chair hogs.
However, when it comes to picking a seat to watch an onboard show, there’s no sucharrangement. He wants to be where the actions is. I want to watch from a safe, comfortable distance away. We can’t exactly part ways at a show, so we enter the lounge or theater, and to my horror, he makes a beeline for the front row. I hate the front row! I prefer to remain anonymous and blend in with the crowd. I don’t want to risk becoming volunteer fodder to amuse an audience – no, thank you. I suppose I could move a few rows back and pretend to not know him, but that would be just plain mean. So I trail reluctantly behind him and shrink down as far as I am able in my seat in the hopes that I won’t be noticed. I plead with him one last time … really, we can see the show just fine back there, a safe distance away. Nope, not good enough. Only the front row will do. Doesn’t he realize that he’s going to be picked? Yes, of course he does – that’s the plan. My husband is a target. Some people wave and shout “pick me … Oh, please pick me!” David doesn’t have to. Maybe it’s his larger-than-life persona. Maybe it’s his fearless, confident demeanor or the way he stands out in a crowd. Maybe it’s the beard or the large balding head. Or a combination of the above. Whatever it is, it’s going to get him up on that stage. I guaranty if there is a shortage of hands, he’s going to be the guy to save the moment, and there goes my anonymity.
One memorable performance was the time he volunteered – yes, volunteered – to be the subject of a hypnotist, whose name escapes me, on board a Princess ship 10 years ago. I wish I still had the video, because it was a sight to behold. There was my husband, on stage, in a trance under the belief that he was none other than … Garth Brooks! I couldn’t believe my eyes … or my ears. He was in a trance of sorts, belting out some off-the-cuff country song, making it up as he went. The audience went wild. Little did they know that not only is David not a fan of country music, he had never even heard of Garth Brooks.
If that weren’t entertaining enough, there was the time when my darling husband was crowned “Mr. Grand Princess”. Oh my. Let me stress that this was not a volunteer gig. This time, he was the guy who stood out in the crowd. Oh, God, I thought … here comes the assistant cruise director … she’s coming for him. Oh no, not again. It was a cheesy guy version of a Miss America pageant, and the contestants were a wide assortment of age, shapes and sizes, ranging from young, lean and buff to old, chunky and flabby. Let me just say that the winner was not young, lean or very buff – but he was a good sport, and I wouldn’t trade him for any other Mr. Princess, grand or otherwise. It’s all very fuzzy now, but I think I remember a parade, a cardboard crown, and a lot of wild, inebriated people. It was all good fun – 10 years ago, anyway.
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“Blinded by the light…” That song came immediately to mind when I opened our curtains on the morning we arrived in Ketchikan. After two days of drizzle and overcast skies, it was almost a cornea-burning shock to see the pristine sapphire blue skies and blazing early morning sunshine that greeted us that morning.
My first thought of Ketchikan? Storybook! This was quite possibly the quaintest town I’d ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on. I couldn’t wait to see what she had in store for us today!
Knowing we had to meet our tour guide at 7:00 AM, we made the short walk into town and were greeted with a sign by our kayak guide from Southeast Sea Kayaks. We had a half day kayak trip booked, and we were more than ready for it! Having river kayaked several times on vacations to Colorado and such, we were very excited to try sea kayaking for the first time. One of the main reasons we chose Southeast Sea Kayaks was because of their guaranteed small groups on their paddling trips. We were told at the time of booking that there would be a maximum of six guests per paddling trip, but upon check in we learned that they had a cancellation and there would instead only be us and one other couple with our guide today. Woo hoo!! The other couple who came on the trip with us was on holiday from Australia, and they were also enjoying a cruise. This was their first trip to the United States, and they were lucky enough to be touring the entire nation during a whirlwind six week stay. I quickly found that cruising has become one of the best ways to meet some of the most interesting people!
After a ten minute boat ride out of the immediate port area, we came to where our sea kayaks were tendered back behind a small island, and we made our way into our kayak for two. From my seat I could no longer see the shore, nor the ships in port. It was as if we were truly in Alaska for the first time. No cars, no ships, no people, no Diamond’s International…this was just us, three other souls, and some of the biggest and most breathtaking landscape I’d ever seen. Our paddling trip was blessed with warm temperatures, glassy seas, and cloudless skies. We saw several bald eagles, lots of purple starfish, a lion jellyfish, and deer on the shore of one of the islands as we paddled around. Even a playful otter popped up not two feet from the edge of our kayak! He decided to hang around for a while and followed us as we slowly made our way around small islands and rocks. Our guide was simply a delight and she really taught us quite a bit about the local wildlife and the even about the town of Ketchikan, itself.
Too soon it was time for us to head back, as we were only scheduled to be in port until noon that day. We had just enough time left for a nice stroll around town and got the opportunity to take in several of the gorgeous totem poles and one last look at the famous Creek Street. Even though we were back on the ship early, I knew we were going to be treated to some spectacular sights from the comfort of our balcony for the rest of the day. And speaking of treats, the ice cream machine was calling my name!