A SEA OF MEMORIES - PARTS 1 TO 5

[DaCruzNut]

A SEA OF MEMORIES

By Jeff Stern

(Copyright 2002-Jeffrey R. Stern)

DEDICATION:

To my two Lisa’s, who encouraged me to put pen to paper (or, fingers to keys….) and write about my cruise memories….

PROLOGUE

In May, 2001, I posted a message, on a cruise-related Message Board, about the s/s Britanis. A very short post. One of the replies, from Lisa63, simply said, “Jeff, I’d love to hear more about Britanis.†I wrote back, with the following:

Lisa63: She was built in 1932 and was what you think of when you think of a "ship." She was showing her age, and could have used a refurbishing, but had a special feel to her. If you meet almost any one who ever sailed on her, passenger or crew, they get a little dreamy-eyed and sigh... After our first few sailings, we'd run into passengers we'd sailed with before on her. She had a very loyal following of people who sailed on her several times a year. She did a week-end cruise from Miami that was very inexpensive. Food was great (same caterer as Celebrity, Apollo). Could write a book about her.....but, above explains why so many of has had a tear in our eye when she sank last year, as the Belofin I.

And, so, I took the first step of a journey that would lead me down a new path. I was not, however, aware of the fact that the trek had begun.

Then, on a rainy Saturday, in February, 2002, I was in a nostalgic mood, and wrote a post, once again, about the Britanis. This one was a bit more detailed, than the one above, and filled a full page.

About a month later, Lisa63 entered a post, directed to me, asking if I had any more cruise reminiscences. Well, having, as all men do, an enormous ego, and lots of memories, this prompted me to write about the s/s Dolphin IV, another favorite.

I was, completely, amazed at the number of posts, and e-mails, I received, from people who, apparently, enjoyed my memories. After all, I was the one that had the fun of reliving those moments, by recalling them, and writing them down; so much fun, in fact, that I seem to have gotten carried away.

And, so, what follows, is just a small part of the memories which and I have pull together.

PART 1 - INTRODUCTION

It wasn’t TOO long ago, on September 16, 1989, I took my first cruise. However, it could have been a lifetime ago. An industry that changed very little, in over three decades, was about to undergo, a sudden, drastic transformation.

Up until the early nineties, almost all of the cruise ships were converted ocean liners. They were all refurbished, reconfigured, and some basic changes made. All first, second and steerage class differences disappeared, and they became one-class. Pools were added, usually at he stern of the upper deck; casinos were added, also, and other minor changes made.

Carnival was the first to devise, and build, a ship designed solely for cruising. It was the beginning of the “Cruise Era.†But, the basic blueprint was based on the converted ocean liners. The hulls remained the same shape, and the general configuration was similar. The major differences were that they were built as single-class ships, so you had easy access to all of the public areas. Pool decks were larger, to accommodate more people.

While they were all “cruise ship,†they still maintained the feel of an ocean liner.

The cruise experience was pretty traditional, also. You had breakfast, lunch and dinner at the main, or late, seating. You could have breakfast and lunch at a buffet area, but most people didn’t. Dinner was dinner; no options.

Formal night was something that almost all of the passengers observed, and tuxedos or dark business suits, for the men, gowns for the ladies, were the norm. And, you kept them on all evening….

Daytime entertainment consisted of bingo, horse racing, and ice carving demonstrations.

There was also fruit & vegetable carving, trivia and napkin folding.

Let’s not forget the pool games! Ah, the memories of stuffing pineapples, and other assorted fruit, into my Speedo…. Or, guzzling a bottle of beer, eating a cracker and trying to whistle, “Dixie!†They’re right; travel is broadening.

Of course, you could always choose to just sit by the pool and read a good book.

Then, the explosion happened! New ships, holding twice as many passengers, and designed specifically for Caribbean cruising began to appear. Bigger and bigger they got! A mega-liner at 45,000 grt soon became small, compared to the 70,000 grt super-liners. Finally, the floating cities, at 100,000 grt+, came on the scene.

Cruising was changed forever! I’m not going to take a side as to whether it has changed for the better, or worse. I could probably argue either side, effectively. In fact, as I relate my stories, you will see that I have had wonderful experiences on the tiny Caribe I as well as the Triumph and Grand Princess. I have equal, but very different reasons, for enjoying a cruise on a small ship and doing so on a large ship. Each offers a different, but still great, experience.

In the same vein, I’m not going to rate the ships, or cruise lines, or describe the ships in any great detail. If that is what you need, I highly recommend the Berlitz Guide To Cruises. It’s probably the best of all of the many I have read.

What I do want to do, is to convey some of my experiences, with cruising, and to share some memories of the old time, traditional ships, and cruises, of, oh, so long, ago…

That “..oh, so long ago…,†for me, began on September 16, 1989. That was when I first sailed, and began the odyssey that has led me to fifty-five cruises, on sixteen cruise lines; all to the Caribbean, eastern, western and southern. All, with one exception, sailing from the Port of Miami, or Port Everglades. The single exception was the time I left from San Juan.

My story, however, starts many years before “distant past†of 1989……

PART 2 - ROOTS

Although I didn’t realize it at the time, the seeds of my love of ships, the sea and cruising were planted in my early childhood.

I lived in a community, at the tip of Coney Island, called Sea Gate, which jutted out into Gravesend Bay and Upper New York Harbor. My room was on the upper floor of a house that was directly across the street from the Norton’s Point Lighthouse, and the beacon that guides ships in and out of New York Harbor. To this day, the lighthouse remains active. My bedroom window faced to lighthouse, and the open sea just beyond it. I was about eight years old, when we lived there, and was filled with the wonder that only a boy that age could feel. I would sit at my window, at night, and watch the lights of the ships, tankers, and other craft, move in and out of the harbor. It was many years before I found out that not everyone’s bedroom glowed red…then, white…then, red…then…well, you get the idea.

What I did know was that I never tired of sitting at my window and watching the classic liners come into, and, then, leave the harbor. And, what an amazing list of ships it was; the United States and America; the Queen(s) Elizabeth and Mary; Cristoforo Colombo; Isle de France, and later the France; the Independence and Constitution; and, oh, so many more.

When we watched the floating palaces leave for Europe, from the beach, there was no problem. However, when they returned, they threw a wake to the port (right) side of the ship that would take about ten, or fifteen, minutes to make its way to shore; just enough time for the lifeguards to clear everyone out of the water and direct them to the rear of the beach. Then the wave would hit, and work its way up the beach. Then three, or four, more. It wasn’t the wave that was a large problem, but the undertow it created. Quite a feat for something a mile, or so, away…. Power, to match the beauty.

Then, there were the Sunday drives, to visit relatives in the Bronx, or New Jersey, when my dad would drive up the West Side Highway, and past the New York Piers. Driving above the streets of Manhattan, on the elevated grandstand, with a clear view of the classic liners, close up. So close, that they each filled your entire field of view, as you passed. Giant buildings; part of the New York skyline; but, these floated and moved….

After having spent the better part of my life on the beach, I reached a point where the beach, itself, held no special allure for me. For many years, now, I have seen no reason to go to the beach, put on suntan oil, have sand blow all over you, and wind up looking, and feeling, like a baked breaded veal cutlet.

On the other hand, I have to live close enough to the ocean so that I can see it any time I want to. Never, under any circumstances, more than a half-hour drive away….

This held true, many years later, when we moved to Miami. Only now I had, not only ocean, but palm trees, and all the things that make this a tropical paradise.

I worked on Miami Beach and had to take the McArthur Causeway to work every day. For those of you who don’t know, and that’s close to everybody, the McArthur Causeway is the roadway that parallels the Port of Miami and connects downtown to Star Island, Palm Island, Hibiscus Island and, ultimately, South Beach. It is obvious that, as clearly as you can see the causeway from the ships, you can watch the ships from the causeway.

Ships, and the sea, have always been a part of my life. Like so many things, they were so close that I didn’t, really, see them.

Times and circumstances changed. Cruising had, suddenly, reached the point where it was probable to think that, someday, It would be me, on the deck of a ship, sitting on a lounge chair and drinking a frozen thingee. Of course, I didn’t know they were called “frozen thingees, at the time.

(Y’know, ‘spell-check’ can be a real pain in the butt; It never heard of a “thingee….â€Â)

I would drive to-and-from work, passing a line-up of one ship after another… My heart would beat just a little bit faster, as I thought, “Someday, Jacki and I will be looking down at the causeway, from the deck of one of those ships, and be waving to the poor guy driving to, or from, work.â€Â

And so, the stage was set. I was about to break down and take the plunge, not figuratively (hopefully).

For years, my travel agent had tried to talk me into taking a cruise. Living in Miami, I thought that was a stupid idea. After all, if I wanted to spend my whole vacation lying by a pool, feeling trapped and confined, I could stay home, lie next to my pool and not leave the house.

Fate, however, had other plans for me. A “super special deal,†from Carnival, for a September sailing, in 1989, and I had no choice. With the travel agent in one ear, and Jacki in the other, I found myself booked on the Holiday, for a seven-day cruise to the Western Caribbean.

Great! A week, trapped on a tiny ship, in the middle of the Caribbean. Nothing to do, but listen to some island “locals†beat on old steel oil cans…. And, dress up, every night, for dinner, and then go to some stuffy lounge and see some crappy show, with off-key singers and clumsy dancers. Worst of all, I had to pay or this!

And, so, it began….

PART 3 – MY VIRGIN CRUISE

My bags were all packed; their little Carnival baggage tags filled out and attached. They were in the car, just waiting, patiently for me. My dog was in “puppy jail,†for a week, and someone, I think, stayed with the kids. All the little forms and papers were filled out; the camcorder battery was charged; and, so was I!

I got in the car; started the engine; put in an Bob Marley Arrow cassette (“Legend,†of course…), and I was all set. One of the advantages of living here, in Miami, is the fact that I’m only a short drive from the Port, yet long so that you have ample time for the excitement to build.

After about fifteen minutes, I was headed east on the Dolphin Expressway; I went up and over the I-95 overpass, which, at the time, was the highest point in Miami. You can see everything from the crest of the roadway, from downtown Miami, the beaches, and the port, and, when it’s very clear, even the tops of the buildings in Fort Lauderdale. It was from here that I got my first glimpse of the ships lined up in the Port of Miami. What a line-up it was! A fleet of liners, each one different from the other in size, shape and color. On the funnels, everything from a smiling dolphin to the red, white and blue. It was no time at all before I was exiting the highway into downtown Miami, and getting close to the port. Just a few blocks, and that very long, last, red light, and I turned onto Port Boulevard. I don’t pretend to understand why, but that light has always been red, in all of the times I was leaving for a cruise. Just one more little obstacle on the path to fun. Yet, whenever I’m leaving the port, at the end of a cruise, and want to stretch just a teeny bit more time in the port, that very same light, now in the opposite direction, is always green.

By the time you make the turn, past Bayside, and onto the bridge that connects downtown Miami to Dodge Island, and the cruise terminals….. and, as you get to the top of the port bridge onto Dodge Island, and see all the ships in formation….. your heart is pounding and your breath a little hard to catch. Entering the Port of Miami, more correctly the Dante Fascell Port of Miami, is breathtaking. As you climb higher up the bridge, the views of Bayside Market Place, and it’s marina, on the right and the ships on your left, act to add to the excitement.

From the top of the bridge, you can also see the “million dollar islands,†Star, Palm and Hibiscus Island; home to the rich and famous, and even glimpse South Beach. It’s my favorite drive!

Even with all there is to see, your attention suddenly focuses on the procession of cruise ships, gleaming in the Florida sun, all with that classic ocean liner profile. Some had one funnel; some had two. But, they all looked liked ships. All, that is, except one. One looked like a cross between a ship and a hotel. It was more modern, sleeker, and a lot larger than the others. In fact, it dwarfed them. She was a behemoth, a giant, a monster, big! At over 45,000 gross registered tons, she was larger than the Titanic! One of the largest cruise ships afloat, and our destination, the m/s Holiday.

The baggage handler took my belongings, at the pier, and was over-tipped, as he loaded our bags onto the cart. What the heck, I was on vacation, and going on a cruise. I drove to the parking lot, locked the car, and, practically ran to the terminal entrance. Check-in went very smoothly, and, in no time, I waswalking across the gangway and onto the ship…

I expected that the interior of a ship would be brass, teak and mahogany, with little portholes; not chrome, neon and mirrors. I anticipated that the interior colors would be subdued, and the furnishings leaning toward elegant; not screaming colors and impressionist settees. But, this ship was very special!

Not because she was bright and modern; not because she was among the first ships designed and built specifically for cruising; not because she ….. well, let’s not worry about the, “not’s….†The one thing that made this ship so very special was the fact that she was about to change the face of cruising, forever.

I do not intend to describe any of the ships we have been on in any great detail, nor give any particular ship, or cruise line, a rating. There are several reasons for this.

First, there are many places where this information is available, including www.CruiseCrazies.com, www.######, and a number of cruise boards; "Cruise Reviews," a multitude of cruise guides, Cruise Travel and Porthole magazines and the cruise lines' brochures.

In addition, a particular cruise line, or individual ship, can change drastically, over time. It wouldn’t be fair for me to review a cruise taken years ago, not knowing how, or what, changes, have been made. A prime example of this is the fact that one of my most favorite cruises, and two of my least favorite cruises, were both on the same line.

What I do want to try to convey are my feelings, memories and experiences; things that cannot be found elsewhere. That being said, let's get back to the Holiday, before it sails without us…

As I stepped across the threshold, from the edge of the gangway and into the atrium, I, suddenly, felt like Alice stepping through the looking glass. For the next seven days, I would be leaving reality behind and entering the fantasy lands of Wonderland. Never Never Land and Times Square, all combined together.

My eyes were assaulted by the bright colors, reflections and glare; neon; chrome; mirrors; yet, not in an unpleasant way. The décor, while unexpected, seemed to add to the excitement of being on a ship. Looking around, you could tell that most of the passengers were fellow-first-time cruisers. Eyes wide open, in a blank stare, with jaws slightly dropped. A general look that is a combination of surprise, amazement and excitement. Passengers clutching a copy of Carnival Capers in one hand and a map of the ship in the other. Despite the years that have passed, some things will never change.

For the very first time, I did the, now, traditional, self-guided, tour of the ship. I started with my cabin, which was slightly larger than I expected, until I checked out the bathroom. But, that's another story… The picture window looked out at Watson Island, a familiar sight for a "local." Yet, it looked more exotic, magical and tropical through a ship's window than it did through my windshield, driving to work.

After checking out the cabin, I began exploring the entire ship from bow to stern and port to starboard. Of course, I had no idea what those terms meant, other than the fact that they were "nautical." It was later that I learned that port is the left side of the ship, facing the front. An easy way to remember is, "We leave the PORT going FORWARD."

As far as bow and stern are concerned, I always remember that my name is the same as the back of the ship. The problem with that is, if I forget and call them the bow and the Jeff.

The various rooms, clubs and lounges, along with the walkways and other public areas, added to the excitement, but it was the pool area that was alive and jumping. The public rooms all had a “theme,†but they all were done with glitz, incredible color, bright neon lights, sparkling/twinkling things; the effect was mind-boggling.

The ship was so ahead of its time, that it still holds up very well today, against the new behemoths. She may be “small,†at a mere 45,000 grt, but she has enough public rooms to keep all, except the fussiest passengers, happy, and she has a certain intimacy that is lost on the larger ships.

As I got to the pool area, there was an island band playing a new song, which started in Jamaica, swept through the Caribbean and had made its way to "The States." The original was recorded by "Arrow," and, has since, become the unofficial theme song of

cruising. People were dancing, clapping and, generally having one heck of a time, as the band sang, "All the people, all around me, feelin' hot, hot, hot…"

Bar waiters with trays of frozen thingees, in fancy, tulip-shaped, glasses on their heads, moving to the beat of the music………."hot,hot,hot"….The photographer shoving a camera in your face…….."me mind on fire, me soul on fire"…..a video camera, suddenly in front of your eyes…"feelin' hot, hot, hot"…..

Although some people can find this initial assault annoying, I find that it is one of the most exciting parts of the cruise. Throw in the Welcome Aboard Buffet, and you have begun to discover what cruising is all about.

A few hours after getting onto the ship, I watched as the ropes were dropped, the ship began to pull away from the dock. I, kind of, expected Kathie Lee Gifford to be dancing across the deck, singing, “If They Could See Me, Now,†but, had to settle for a very bad rendition of “Anchors Aweigh†blaring out of the crummy on-board speakers.

Most of the passengers were standing at the rails, towards the stern of the ship. People were waving from the ship, and passers-by on the MacArthur Causeway were honking their horns, and waving back. A group of well-wishers stood along the shore and waved and yelled. In fact, I had been one of those well-wishers, just one week earlier, when I drove to South Pointe Park to shoot some videos of the Holiday, leaving the Port, which would become the opening shots of the video I was now taking, from the opposite perspective.

I sailed past Star Island, Hibiscus and Palm Islands, and South Beach; watching the, now, distant lights of Miami fade away against the backdrop of the spectacular South Florida susnset, and, then, out to the open sea.

The pilot boat pulled alongside, shortly afterwards, and the Pilot hopped off our ship, onto his boat, and headed back to Miami. This is another part of the cruise that will never lose its excitement. When the Pilot hops off the ship, onto the Pilot Boat, you know your cruise has officially begun; you are on our own and the adventure, truly, about to begin……

4 - FIRST, THERE’S THE FOOD

The food wasn’t exactly what I had anticipated, although I’m not sure what I actually expected. At it’s best, it was pretty good, and, at its worst it was still all-right. It was the sheer amount, and variety, of food that that was astounding. The presentation was absolutely astonishing. Every dish, every buffet, every meal was an edible work of art. The staging of the food gave new meaning to the old cliché, “It looks a lot better than it tastes….†The one thing that you could rely on was, with that sheer volume of food, you were going to find oodles of things you enjoy and, for sure, you won’t go hungry. Carnival, since then, to their credit, has made huge stride in the quality of their food. That will be discussed later.

Before the days of the ‘cutbacks,’ there was a Midnight Buffet every night of the cruise. The array of food was breathtaking and the production was magnificent. Intermingled among the food, there were fruit and vegetable carvings that belonged in a food museum. At 1:30 a.m., they downsized the entire buffet, and made it into a mini-buffet, which stayed open for another hour. The Grand Buffets of today are barely a match to the every night buffets, of old, and the scaled downed, 1:30 am buffets, of those days, were as elaborate as the Grand Buffets of today.

The Captain’s Grand Midnight Buffet, was usually held on the next to the last night of the cruise. It was everything that the nightly midnight buffet was, except on an even larger scale. There were extraordinary ice carvings, spotlighted with colored light from all sides, above and below; trays of lobster; music playing….

Passengers began to line up at eleven o’clock, for the Grand Buffet. Not to partake, but to participate in the photo shoot that took place from eleven-thirty to midnight. They allowed the passengers to walk through the buffet and take photos, and videos. Classical music played through the speakers while, in the background, the maitre d’s voice droned, “….and in a single week’s cruise…,†as you passed tray after tray of ‘mystery meat’ and ‘some kinda stuff,’ “….we use approximately a gazillion eggs, 740 cows,…†past some more fruit carvings, and some salad things, “….enough wine to fill 1.45 swimming pools,…†and then to the chafing dishes of hot food(?). Finally, tables full of deserts. It was absolutely mind-boggling. Never mind that it all tasted pretty mediocre….the presentation is what counted. After all, when you showed those pictures, and videos, to friends, they could only see the food, not taste it.

It was also a way to check out the buffet, beforehand, so you could save room on your plate for something extraordinary towards the end of the line. Of course, if you were smart, you grabbed two plates.

At 1:30 am, they reduced the size of the buffet, brought our fresh dishes of food, and had a 1:30 “mini-buffet.†You had to make sure that you had enough to eat at this buffet, because they wouldn’t be serving food again until 6:00 am….and, room service can be such a pain!

Dinners were more than meals; Each and every evening was a creation of food and entertainment.

After all of the entrees were served, and seconds taken care of, the waiters and bus boys would mysteriously disappear. Lights would dim, and, suddenly, music would start playing and the performers, formerly the servers, would sing the song de jour.

On Italian Night, it was “O Sole Mio;†On U.S.A. Night, “God Bless America,†and so forth. With flaming Baked Alaska, to the tune of “Hot, Hot, Hot!†they’d march and dance across the dining room.

Carnival was the master of the “dinner show,†with a different theme, and production number for the wait staff, every night.

What a kick, when the lights were turned low and each waiter and bus boy held a lit Bic over his head, as he sang, “God Bless America.†Forgetting the somberness of the song, and its deep meaning to many of us, you just had to smile, knowing that a number of the members of the choral group did not speak very much English, and had no idea what they were singing about.

And, let’s not forget the little table shows. At dinner, one evening, one of the appetizer choices was Frog’s Legs. After serving the appetizers, the waiter folded a little Origami frog, and then assisted it across the table with a flick of his finger. Someone looking for a tip?

The dining room entertainment was a large component of the cruise experience, but the food was the main act. It still is.

Once again, an area that has undergone an extraordinary transformation.

While the midnight buffet may be a memory, it has been replaced by some awesome alternatives.

Princess keeps it’s buffet open twenty-four hours, changing with the time of day. From 11:00 pm to 6:oo am, half the buffet area is closed off and serves as a full-sevice restaurant.

Carnival has a “late night buffet.†Same food as the old midnight buffet, with no ice carvings and fruit and veggie animals… Oh, they’ve added 24-hour pizza, Stromboli and Caesar salad.

In fact, all of the lines have added more food options than would have been imagined even five years ago.

The new wave looks like it will be more along the lines of the alternative dining, now offered on many lines, “Freestyle Cruising,†NCL’s entry and Princess’ “Personal Choice.†I have very mixed feelings about this particular revolution.

The one concern you hear most often, about “traditional dining,†is the worry that you’ll be trapped, for seven days, with the tablemates from Hell. We’ve found that just the opposite is true. While I have not made too many lifelong friends over dinner, I have met, and enjoyed the company, of a great number of interesting people. Some were much younger, and some more elderly, but all very interesting. Only once did I have a real problem.

My cruising companion and I were seated at a table for six, with a woman and her two children, a son and a daughter. The children were not well behaved, at all, and spent the entire meal squabbling, arguing and fighting. Mother was not only no help, but actually added to the problem.

This behavior was already in full swing when we arrived at the table, and continued unabated. The children were baiting each other, and both were bickering with mom, who was as bad as the two children. At one point, mom rolled her eyes, huffed, or puffed, and sat silent for a few seconds. The daughter finally turned to her and asked what was wrong. The mother looked at her, paused for the proper amount of time, and, then, in that tone that only a mother is able to produce; the one that says that everything in the whole world has gone wrong and nothing can fix it, replied, “….nothing….â€Â

While this would all be annoying under almost any circumstances, the fact that the two children were in their mid-to-late twenties made it even more sufferable. Of course, there was no question in my mind, based upon their behavior (particularly, mom’s!), as to why two young, attractive, people of their age had to take a cruise with Mommy.

In my own “special†style (some would call it ‘obnoxious’) which surfaces, occasionally, in circumstances like this, I decided to play my “…don’t get angry, get even…†game.

Somewhere about half way through the soup, I turned to my companion and said, “Boy, this sure is some f***ing good soup. Them @#(*&%& in the kitchen can sure make some $#*% good food…†That shut “mom and the kids†up for no more than ten seconds. As they carried on their squabbling, I continued my potty mouthing. Each time, I could see mom cringe, just a bit.

At the end of the meal, we asked the maitre d’ to please find us another table. I explained that the waiter and bus boy were excellent, but we did not enjoy the company of our tablemates. The next morning, at breakfast, he advised us that he had reassigned us to another table, with the same waiter. More important, we were seated with six charming fellow passengers and had wonderful mealtimes for the remainder of the cruise.

As I looked over to the table where he had dinner the night before, with mom and the kids, I noticed it was empty. I guess we were not alone in our table-changing request.

I have always enjoyed “traditional dining,†at a large table. I feel that you get to know six, or eight, new people, intimately, during the course of the cruise; your waiter and bus boy (now Assistant Waiter) learn your preferences and meet them; and there is a general friendliness in the dining room. We never minded the “timetable,†and automatically adjusted our schedule accordingly. It was just something that was a part of the cruise.

In fact, I never even gave it a second thought. I figure most people eat dinner about the same time, every night, at home, so why should it be different?

Even more important, it was unheard of that you would have to pay for dinner! You took a cruise and knew that your meals were included. Now, they’re going to tell you that dinner in the dining room is only mediocre, but if you want a good dinner, try our “Twenty-Dollar-Extra Café.†Nonsense!!! It will never work.

The only exception was that I did love to have dinner in Le Bistro, aboard the NCL ships. I was not the least bit concerned over the “suggested five-dollar per person gratuity.†In fact, I never left the waiter less than fifteen dollars, for two of us. It wasn’t as if I was paying the cruise line for my dinner, I was recognizing the very special service that the waiter and bus boy provided. It was always superb. The fact that the food was excellent was an added bonus.

Our first, and only, experience with NCL’s “Freestyle†was a nightmare.

First of all, there were far too many “alternative†(spell that “extra chargeâ€Â) restaurants. Not only did you have to pay, but it was imperative that you made a reservation, far in advance. Well, if you have to commit to dinner at a certain time, the next day, what makes it “Freestyle?â€Â

The alternative bistros aside, there were problems with the “regular†dining rooms. If you didn’t have a reservation, the minimum wait was 20-30 minutes. It could be up to an hour! I’m sorry, but I don’t want to waste that type of time on my cruise. I’d rather be losing my money at the crap table. Then, once you were seated, they rushed you, due to all the people waiting.

On the other hand, if you have to make a reservation, in order to avoid the long wait, then you lose the entire concept.

I have heard, from fellow cruisers, that NCL has, in fact, made significant strides, in this area, and have overcome most of the problems. I’m considering giving them a second chance.

Princess, I must say, got their “Personal Choice Dining†right and, if other lines adopt a similar program, and run it as efficiently, I could get used to it.

Most of the time I was seated almost immediately, and never waited more than ten minutes. I always opted for a large table. Once seated, the service was excellent, and the food was admirable. The only food which I feel is better than Princess is that served on Celebrity. I enjoyed the freedom that PC allows; maybe staying in a port an extra hour, or grabbing a pre-dinner nap. All-in-all a positive experience.

Now matter how many transformations cruising goes through, some things will always remain a constant. A good cruise is measured not in stars, or points, in a guide to cruising, but pounds gained.

"Hmmm... good cruise!"

PART 5 - SHOOTING THE DICE

I am not a gambler. Other than a regular poker game with the guys, in my youth, and an occasional “Las Vegas Night†at a local charity, I had never gambled at all. I used to go to Jai Alai, and play the $3.00 quinella, once in a while; and there was the office World Series, and Super Bowl, pools; and the lottery…..

That first night, as I entered the Casino, the lights and sounds were mind-boggling, and the machines and tables all called out, “play me…play me…play me...†I walked from table to table (“…play me…play me…â€Â) watching, totally fascinated, as chips went back and forth, mostly forth.

I stopped at a game which had just come from Aruba, where it was born. At the time it could only be found in its native land and on Carnival ships. It was called Caribbean Stud, (“…play me… play me…â€Â) and was on the ships on a trial basis.

The roulette table was familiar, (“…play me…play me…) since I had played it with my kids, for jellybeans, when they were little. I really didn’t enjoy losing my jellybeans, so I figured I’d like it even less if I lost real money…

I, then, came to the blackjack tables, and succumbed to the call….â€Âplay me.†I did.

Beginner’s luck, I guess, and a few hours resulted in a nice, little, net gain.

I haven’t mentioned the crap table, yet, which eventually became my favorite table in the house, because it wasn’t until several cruises later that I mastered the basic intricacies of the game. All in due time.

A few days into the cruise, during a day at sea, the Casino was practically empty. In order to stimulate some type of action, they opened a $2.00 blackjack table. Boy, it was like playing with a group of friends.

With $2.00 stakes, there was lots of kibitzing at the table, and we all became fast friends. We all joked, back and forth, and were, generally, having a great time. It didn’t hurt that the dealer could do nothing right, for himself, and after an hour, or so, we were all, a minimum of, fifty-dollars, or more, ahead. This is quite a feat, at a $2.00 table, where the players really played only the $2.00, with an occasional double-down or split.

At one point, I was dealt a pair of jacks, to the dealer’s eight. Someone at the table began to laugh, and said, “Why don’t you split them, Jeff.†By this time, most of us were on a first-name basis. Another player prodded and teased me, and, laughing along with them, I split the jacks…

An older woman, at the table, sucked in her breath, and began a tirade, “Sir, I’m a serious player… this is no place to be fooling around, since you destroy the odds for serious

players… this is a serious game, and it’s no place to be playing games…†On and on she went, without exaggeration, for a full three or four minutes. The other players, and the dealer, were looking at her in utter incredulity! She ranted, and raged, on-and-on-and….

I could not believe her outburst, at a very friendly two-dollar table. One minute, we were all goofing around, having a great time, and winning some money; the next, Ms. Serious Two Dollars was throwing a tantrum. Finally, I turned to her. “Look, lady, if you’re such a f***ing serious player, what are you doing at a two-dollar table?†Turning red, and not saying a word, she grabbed her chips, and left the table. I turned, and was about to apologize to the others at the table, when the dealer, proper British accent, and all, looked at me and said, “Thank you, sir. She’s been a bore this entire cruise….â€Â

To this day, I swear that the thing that really annoyed her, most, was that I pulled two “twenties,†the dealer “busted,†and everyone at the table won, except you-know-who, who also “busted…..â€Â

One of the dealers taught me a very important lesson, on that first cruise. These three “rules†have probably kept me “ahead†more than anything else, with the exception of being very lucky!

The first is based on a very simple premise. When you are ahead, the winnings are your money! That money, once it’s on your side of the table, belongs to you. It is not the “house’s money,†“their money,†or anyone else’s. If you pick it up, and walk away, nobody can stop you. You can cash in the chips, put the money in your wallet, and spend it any was you wish. When you play with the money you’ve won, you play it no differently than the money you took out of your wallet.

The second is just as easy. When you walk up to the table, set a “high-low†limit. Decide, in advance, how much you are willing to lose, and purchase only that amount in chips. If your luck is running bad, and you lose that stake, walk away. Don’t ever reach into your pocket for more. Consider it the cost of an evening’s entertainment. Conversely, set a “winnings†limit. Usually, a good number is twice your original stake. You can adjust it, but stick to it. When you hit that number, walk away and cash in.

Finally, is the “three play†rule. Whether at a table, or a machine, if you don’t win one hand, in the first three, walk away.

These suggestions have done well for me. In all of our cruises, I lost one two hundred dollars, once; fifty-dollars, twice; broken even, twice; and have come out ahead on all of the rest. It might have been ten-dollars, over a seven-day cruise, but it was a win. Several times the figure went over the thousand dollar mark, but I won’t say by how much. It’s my secret ‘lucky charm.’

On this first cruise, I was fortunate enough to walk off the ship with a nice few hundred dollars in winnings. My money!

The favorite lesson I ever got, in a casino, was the session where I first learned the basics of the crap table. And, things would never be the same, again….

I was in the Casino aboard the Caribe I, on the afternoon of a day beautiful at sea. The casino was practically empty, and the dealers were visibly bored. I was standing near the crap table, looking at all the funny boxes, and circles, with their attendant hieroglyphics, totally and completely bewildered. Suddenly, I heard the dealer’s voice, “Would you care to play, sir?†I looked up and responded, “I don’t have the slightest notion, in the world, of how to play this game.†Without missing a beat, he replied, “That doesn’t stop the most of the people who play this table every night.â€Â

OK, I figured, it was time to learn. He asked if I had fifty dollars I was willing to risk, and I bought fifty dollars worth of chips. He started with the simple bets, the Pass Line and the Odds bet. I threw the dice, until my arm was sore, going up and down for the first few minutes. He then showed me how to “cover the six and eight,†and admonished me to always play the six and eight separately, and not play the “6/8†on the corners. Most tables have removed them, but the odds are lower, for the same bet, if they are still there and you play them.

After a short while, when I was very comfortable with the initial three bets, he showed me how the play the “Come Line.†It turns out it’s really not all that complicated.

So, now I knew how to play the Pass Line, Odds bet, Come Line and cover the six and eight. What’s next? “Nothing,†he tells me. Once I had those basic bets down pat, he showed me a modified “system,†using a combination of the four plays. The other bets from the Horn Bet to the C & E, including the “hard ways,†are ALL house bets! Playing any one, or a combination, of those bets only increases the house’s odds of winning and, obviously, you chance of losing. Technically, you don’t even know what they are, how they work, or what they are called. Act as if they are not even on the table.

Once I had those basic bets down pat, he showed me a modified “system,†using a combination of the four plays.

Speaking of losing, it took me about an hour to lose my fifty-dollar investment, and it was fifty-dollars well spent. First of all, I learned the rudimentary play of the game which has become my favorite. Second, the dealer’s sense of humor turned out to be as amusing as his opening line, and we had a great time.

Although the crap table has become my destination of choice, I wonder if that would be the case if I had come back, that evening, and lost another fifty, or hundred, dollars. In any event, that wasn’t how it turned out. I was fortunate enough to win back the fifty I had lost, during my afternoon lesson, and an additional fifty.

One other important thing to remember is to always “toke†(tip) the dealer. Placing a one-dollar bet, for the dealer, at the blackjack table, throwing a dollar chip down onto the Pass Line, for “the boys (and girls, nowadays),†at the crap table, or tossing a chip to the dealer at other tables is more than a nice gesture.

Many players, myself included, play a modified “system,†at the crap table. Very often, the action gets hot and heavy, and a regular bet is not placed, in the frenzy of the game. On more than one occasion, I have had a dealer remind me, “Sir, did you want to place a ‘come bet?’†Yes, the forgotten bet gets placed, and, more often than not, pays off! All for a little toke.

The dealers appreciate the tips very much, and tend to remember the “generous†players. Very often, they will ask your name, and, whenever you return to the Casino, they will address you, by name. It just makes for a friendlier atmosphere.

PART 6 - "I GET HOOKED" HAS NOW BEEN POSTED

[DaCruzNut]

A SEA OF MEMORIES

By Jeff Stern

(Copyright 2002-Jeffrey R. Stern)

DEDICATION:

To my two Lisa’s, who encouraged me to put pen to paper (or, fingers to keys….) and write about my cruise memories….

PROLOGUE

In May, 2001, I posted a message, on a cruise-related Message Board, about the s/s Britanis. A very short post. One of the replies, from Lisa63, simply said, “Jeff, I’d love to hear more about Britanis.†I wrote back, with the following:

Lisa63: She was built in 1932 and was what you think of when you think of a "ship." She was showing her age, and could have used a refurbishing, but had a special feel to her. If you meet almost any one who ever sailed on her, passenger or crew, they get a little dreamy-eyed and sigh... After our first few sailings, we'd run into passengers we'd sailed with before on her. She had a very loyal following of people who sailed on her several times a year. She did a week-end cruise from Miami that was very inexpensive. Food was great (same caterer as Celebrity, Apollo). Could write a book about her.....but, above explains why so many of has had a tear in our eye when she sank last year, as the Belofin I.

And, so, I took the first step of a journey that would lead me down a new path. I was not, however, aware of the fact that the trek had begun.

Then, on a rainy Saturday, in February, 2002, I was in a nostalgic mood, and wrote a post, once again, about the Britanis. This one was a bit more detailed, than the one above, and filled a full page.

About a month later, Lisa63 entered a post, directed to me, asking if I had any more cruise reminiscences. Well, having, as all men do, an enormous ego, and lots of memories, this prompted me to write about the s/s Dolphin IV, another favorite.

I was, completely, amazed at the number of posts, and e-mails, I received, from people who, apparently, enjoyed my memories. After all, I was the one that had the fun of reliving those moments, by recalling them, and writing them down; so much fun, in fact, that I seem to have gotten carried away.

And, so, what follows, is just a small part of the memories which and I have pull together.

PART 1 - INTRODUCTION

It wasn’t TOO long ago, on September 16, 1989, I took my first cruise. However, it could have been a lifetime ago. An industry that changed very little, in over three decades, was about to undergo, a sudden, drastic transformation.

Up until the early nineties, almost all of the cruise ships were converted ocean liners. They were all refurbished, reconfigured, and some basic changes made. All first, second and steerage class differences disappeared, and they became one-class. Pools were added, usually at he stern of the upper deck; casinos were added, also, and other minor changes made.

Carnival was the first to devise, and build, a ship designed solely for cruising. It was the beginning of the “Cruise Era.†But, the basic blueprint was based on the converted ocean liners. The hulls remained the same shape, and the general configuration was similar. The major differences were that they were built as single-class ships, so you had easy access to all of the public areas. Pool decks were larger, to accommodate more people.

While they were all “cruise ship,†they still maintained the feel of an ocean liner.

The cruise experience was pretty traditional, also. You had breakfast, lunch and dinner at the main, or late, seating. You could have breakfast and lunch at a buffet area, but most people didn’t. Dinner was dinner; no options.

Formal night was something that almost all of the passengers observed, and tuxedos or dark business suits, for the men, gowns for the ladies, were the norm. And, you kept them on all evening….

Daytime entertainment consisted of bingo, horse racing, and ice carving demonstrations.

There was also fruit & vegetable carving, trivia and napkin folding.

Let’s not forget the pool games! Ah, the memories of stuffing pineapples, and other assorted fruit, into my Speedo…. Or, guzzling a bottle of beer, eating a cracker and trying to whistle, “Dixie!†They’re right; travel is broadening.

Of course, you could always choose to just sit by the pool and read a good book.

Then, the explosion happened! New ships, holding twice as many passengers, and designed specifically for Caribbean cruising began to appear. Bigger and bigger they got! A mega-liner at 45,000 grt soon became small, compared to the 70,000 grt super-liners. Finally, the floating cities, at 100,000 grt+, came on the scene.

Cruising was changed forever! I’m not going to take a side as to whether it has changed for the better, or worse. I could probably argue either side, effectively. In fact, as I relate my stories, you will see that I have had wonderful experiences on the tiny Caribe I as well as the Triumph and Grand Princess. I have equal, but very different reasons, for enjoying a cruise on a small ship and doing so on a large ship. Each offers a different, but still great, experience.

In the same vein, I’m not going to rate the ships, or cruise lines, or describe the ships in any great detail. If that is what you need, I highly recommend the Berlitz Guide To Cruises. It’s probably the best of all of the many I have read.

What I do want to do, is to convey some of my experiences, with cruising, and to share some memories of the old time, traditional ships, and cruises, of, oh, so long, ago…

That “..oh, so long ago…,†for me, began on September 16, 1989. That was when I first sailed, and began the odyssey that has led me to fifty-five cruises, on sixteen cruise lines; all to the Caribbean, eastern, western and southern. All, with one exception, sailing from the Port of Miami, or Port Everglades. The single exception was the time I left from San Juan.

My story, however, starts many years before “distant past†of 1989……

PART 2 - ROOTS

Although I didn’t realize it at the time, the seeds of my love of ships, the sea and cruising were planted in my early childhood.

I lived in a community, at the tip of Coney Island, called Sea Gate, which jutted out into Gravesend Bay and Upper New York Harbor. My room was on the upper floor of a house that was directly across the street from the Norton’s Point Lighthouse, and the beacon that guides ships in and out of New York Harbor. To this day, the lighthouse remains active. My bedroom window faced to lighthouse, and the open sea just beyond it. I was about eight years old, when we lived there, and was filled with the wonder that only a boy that age could feel. I would sit at my window, at night, and watch the lights of the ships, tankers, and other craft, move in and out of the harbor. It was many years before I found out that not everyone’s bedroom glowed red…then, white…then, red…then…well, you get the idea.

What I did know was that I never tired of sitting at my window and watching the classic liners come into, and, then, leave the harbor. And, what an amazing list of ships it was; the United States and America; the Queen(s) Elizabeth and Mary; Cristoforo Colombo; Isle de France, and later the France; the Independence and Constitution; and, oh, so many more.

When we watched the floating palaces leave for Europe, from the beach, there was no problem. However, when they returned, they threw a wake to the port (right) side of the ship that would take about ten, or fifteen, minutes to make its way to shore; just enough time for the lifeguards to clear everyone out of the water and direct them to the rear of the beach. Then the wave would hit, and work its way up the beach. Then three, or four, more. It wasn’t the wave that was a large problem, but the undertow it created. Quite a feat for something a mile, or so, away…. Power, to match the beauty.

Then, there were the Sunday drives, to visit relatives in the Bronx, or New Jersey, when my dad would drive up the West Side Highway, and past the New York Piers. Driving above the streets of Manhattan, on the elevated grandstand, with a clear view of the classic liners, close up. So close, that they each filled your entire field of view, as you passed. Giant buildings; part of the New York skyline; but, these floated and moved….

After having spent the better part of my life on the beach, I reached a point where the beach, itself, held no special allure for me. For many years, now, I have seen no reason to go to the beach, put on suntan oil, have sand blow all over you, and wind up looking, and feeling, like a baked breaded veal cutlet.

On the other hand, I have to live close enough to the ocean so that I can see it any time I want to. Never, under any circumstances, more than a half-hour drive away….

This held true, many years later, when we moved to Miami. Only now I had, not only ocean, but palm trees, and all the things that make this a tropical paradise.

I worked on Miami Beach and had to take the McArthur Causeway to work every day. For those of you who don’t know, and that’s close to everybody, the McArthur Causeway is the roadway that parallels the Port of Miami and connects downtown to Star Island, Palm Island, Hibiscus Island and, ultimately, South Beach. It is obvious that, as clearly as you can see the causeway from the ships, you can watch the ships from the causeway.

Ships, and the sea, have always been a part of my life. Like so many things, they were so close that I didn’t, really, see them.

Times and circumstances changed. Cruising had, suddenly, reached the point where it was probable to think that, someday, It would be me, on the deck of a ship, sitting on a lounge chair and drinking a frozen thingee. Of course, I didn’t know they were called “frozen thingees, at the time.

(Y’know, ‘spell-check’ can be a real pain in the butt; It never heard of a “thingee….â€Â)

I would drive to-and-from work, passing a line-up of one ship after another… My heart would beat just a little bit faster, as I thought, “Someday, Jacki and I will be looking down at the causeway, from the deck of one of those ships, and be waving to the poor guy driving to, or from, work.â€Â

And so, the stage was set. I was about to break down and take the plunge, not figuratively (hopefully).

For years, my travel agent had tried to talk me into taking a cruise. Living in Miami, I thought that was a stupid idea. After all, if I wanted to spend my whole vacation lying by a pool, feeling trapped and confined, I could stay home, lie next to my pool and not leave the house.

Fate, however, had other plans for me. A “super special deal,†from Carnival, for a September sailing, in 1989, and I had no choice. With the travel agent in one ear, and Jacki in the other, I found myself booked on the Holiday, for a seven-day cruise to the Western Caribbean.

Great! A week, trapped on a tiny ship, in the middle of the Caribbean. Nothing to do, but listen to some island “locals†beat on old steel oil cans…. And, dress up, every night, for dinner, and then go to some stuffy lounge and see some crappy show, with off-key singers and clumsy dancers. Worst of all, I had to pay or this!

And, so, it began….

PART 3 – MY VIRGIN CRUISE

My bags were all packed; their little Carnival baggage tags filled out and attached. They were in the car, just waiting, patiently for me. My dog was in “puppy jail,†for a week, and someone, I think, stayed with the kids. All the little forms and papers were filled out; the camcorder battery was charged; and, so was I!

I got in the car; started the engine; put in an Bob Marley Arrow cassette (“Legend,†of course…), and I was all set. One of the advantages of living here, in Miami, is the fact that I’m only a short drive from the Port, yet long so that you have ample time for the excitement to build.

After about fifteen minutes, I was headed east on the Dolphin Expressway; I went up and over the I-95 overpass, which, at the time, was the highest point in Miami. You can see everything from the crest of the roadway, from downtown Miami, the beaches, and the port, and, when it’s very clear, even the tops of the buildings in Fort Lauderdale. It was from here that I got my first glimpse of the ships lined up in the Port of Miami. What a line-up it was! A fleet of liners, each one different from the other in size, shape and color. On the funnels, everything from a smiling dolphin to the red, white and blue. It was no time at all before I was exiting the highway into downtown Miami, and getting close to the port. Just a few blocks, and that very long, last, red light, and I turned onto Port Boulevard. I don’t pretend to understand why, but that light has always been red, in all of the times I was leaving for a cruise. Just one more little obstacle on the path to fun. Yet, whenever I’m leaving the port, at the end of a cruise, and want to stretch just a teeny bit more time in the port, that very same light, now in the opposite direction, is always green.

By the time you make the turn, past Bayside, and onto the bridge that connects downtown Miami to Dodge Island, and the cruise terminals….. and, as you get to the top of the port bridge onto Dodge Island, and see all the ships in formation….. your heart is pounding and your breath a little hard to catch. Entering the Port of Miami, more correctly the Dante Fascell Port of Miami, is breathtaking. As you climb higher up the bridge, the views of Bayside Market Place, and it’s marina, on the right and the ships on your left, act to add to the excitement.

From the top of the bridge, you can also see the “million dollar islands,†Star, Palm and Hibiscus Island; home to the rich and famous, and even glimpse South Beach. It’s my favorite drive!

Even with all there is to see, your attention suddenly focuses on the procession of cruise ships, gleaming in the Florida sun, all with that classic ocean liner profile. Some had one funnel; some had two. But, they all looked liked ships. All, that is, except one. One looked like a cross between a ship and a hotel. It was more modern, sleeker, and a lot larger than the others. In fact, it dwarfed them. She was a behemoth, a giant, a monster, big! At over 45,000 gross registered tons, she was larger than the Titanic! One of the largest cruise ships afloat, and our destination, the m/s Holiday.

The baggage handler took my belongings, at the pier, and was over-tipped, as he loaded our bags onto the cart. What the heck, I was on vacation, and going on a cruise. I drove to the parking lot, locked the car, and, practically ran to the terminal entrance. Check-in went very smoothly, and, in no time, I waswalking across the gangway and onto the ship…

I expected that the interior of a ship would be brass, teak and mahogany, with little portholes; not chrome, neon and mirrors. I anticipated that the interior colors would be subdued, and the furnishings leaning toward elegant; not screaming colors and impressionist settees. But, this ship was very special!

Not because she was bright and modern; not because she was among the first ships designed and built specifically for cruising; not because she ….. well, let’s not worry about the, “not’s….†The one thing that made this ship so very special was the fact that she was about to change the face of cruising, forever.

I do not intend to describe any of the ships we have been on in any great detail, nor give any particular ship, or cruise line, a rating. There are several reasons for this.

First, there are many places where this information is available, including www.CruiseCrazies.com, www.######, and a number of cruise boards; "Cruise Reviews," a multitude of cruise guides, Cruise Travel and Porthole magazines and the cruise lines' brochures.

In addition, a particular cruise line, or individual ship, can change drastically, over time. It wouldn’t be fair for me to review a cruise taken years ago, not knowing how, or what, changes, have been made. A prime example of this is the fact that one of my most favorite cruises, and two of my least favorite cruises, were both on the same line.

What I do want to try to convey are my feelings, memories and experiences; things that cannot be found elsewhere. That being said, let's get back to the Holiday, before it sails without us…

As I stepped across the threshold, from the edge of the gangway and into the atrium, I, suddenly, felt like Alice stepping through the looking glass. For the next seven days, I would be leaving reality behind and entering the fantasy lands of Wonderland. Never Never Land and Times Square, all combined together.

My eyes were assaulted by the bright colors, reflections and glare; neon; chrome; mirrors; yet, not in an unpleasant way. The décor, while unexpected, seemed to add to the excitement of being on a ship. Looking around, you could tell that most of the passengers were fellow-first-time cruisers. Eyes wide open, in a blank stare, with jaws slightly dropped. A general look that is a combination of surprise, amazement and excitement. Passengers clutching a copy of Carnival Capers in one hand and a map of the ship in the other. Despite the years that have passed, some things will never change.

For the very first time, I did the, now, traditional, self-guided, tour of the ship. I started with my cabin, which was slightly larger than I expected, until I checked out the bathroom. But, that's another story… The picture window looked out at Watson Island, a familiar sight for a "local." Yet, it looked more exotic, magical and tropical through a ship's window than it did through my windshield, driving to work.

After checking out the cabin, I began exploring the entire ship from bow to stern and port to starboard. Of course, I had no idea what those terms meant, other than the fact that they were "nautical." It was later that I learned that port is the left side of the ship, facing the front. An easy way to remember is, "We leave the PORT going FORWARD."

As far as bow and stern are concerned, I always remember that my name is the same as the back of the ship. The problem with that is, if I forget and call them the bow and the Jeff.

The various rooms, clubs and lounges, along with the walkways and other public areas, added to the excitement, but it was the pool area that was alive and jumping. The public rooms all had a “theme,†but they all were done with glitz, incredible color, bright neon lights, sparkling/twinkling things; the effect was mind-boggling.

The ship was so ahead of its time, that it still holds up very well today, against the new behemoths. She may be “small,†at a mere 45,000 grt, but she has enough public rooms to keep all, except the fussiest passengers, happy, and she has a certain intimacy that is lost on the larger ships.

As I got to the pool area, there was an island band playing a new song, which started in Jamaica, swept through the Caribbean and had made its way to "The States." The original was recorded by "Arrow," and, has since, become the unofficial theme song of

cruising. People were dancing, clapping and, generally having one heck of a time, as the band sang, "All the people, all around me, feelin' hot, hot, hot…"

Bar waiters with trays of frozen thingees, in fancy, tulip-shaped, glasses on their heads, moving to the beat of the music………."hot,hot,hot"….The photographer shoving a camera in your face…….."me mind on fire, me soul on fire"…..a video camera, suddenly in front of your eyes…"feelin' hot, hot, hot"…..

Although some people can find this initial assault annoying, I find that it is one of the most exciting parts of the cruise. Throw in the Welcome Aboard Buffet, and you have begun to discover what cruising is all about.

A few hours after getting onto the ship, I watched as the ropes were dropped, the ship began to pull away from the dock. I, kind of, expected Kathie Lee Gifford to be dancing across the deck, singing, “If They Could See Me, Now,†but, had to settle for a very bad rendition of “Anchors Aweigh†blaring out of the crummy on-board speakers.

Most of the passengers were standing at the rails, towards the stern of the ship. People were waving from the ship, and passers-by on the MacArthur Causeway were honking their horns, and waving back. A group of well-wishers stood along the shore and waved and yelled. In fact, I had been one of those well-wishers, just one week earlier, when I drove to South Pointe Park to shoot some videos of the Holiday, leaving the Port, which would become the opening shots of the video I was now taking, from the opposite perspective.

I sailed past Star Island, Hibiscus and Palm Islands, and South Beach; watching the, now, distant lights of Miami fade away against the backdrop of the spectacular South Florida susnset, and, then, out to the open sea.

The pilot boat pulled alongside, shortly afterwards, and the Pilot hopped off our ship, onto his boat, and headed back to Miami. This is another part of the cruise that will never lose its excitement. When the Pilot hops off the ship, onto the Pilot Boat, you know your cruise has officially begun; you are on our own and the adventure, truly, about to begin……

4 - FIRST, THERE’S THE FOOD

The food wasn’t exactly what I had anticipated, although I’m not sure what I actually expected. At it’s best, it was pretty good, and, at its worst it was still all-right. It was the sheer amount, and variety, of food that that was astounding. The presentation was absolutely astonishing. Every dish, every buffet, every meal was an edible work of art. The staging of the food gave new meaning to the old cliché, “It looks a lot better than it tastes….†The one thing that you could rely on was, with that sheer volume of food, you were going to find oodles of things you enjoy and, for sure, you won’t go hungry. Carnival, since then, to their credit, has made huge stride in the quality of their food. That will be discussed later.

Before the days of the ‘cutbacks,’ there was a Midnight Buffet every night of the cruise. The array of food was breathtaking and the production was magnificent. Intermingled among the food, there were fruit and vegetable carvings that belonged in a food museum. At 1:30 a.m., they downsized the entire buffet, and made it into a mini-buffet, which stayed open for another hour. The Grand Buffets of today are barely a match to the every night buffets, of old, and the scaled downed, 1:30 am buffets, of those days, were as elaborate as the Grand Buffets of today.

The Captain’s Grand Midnight Buffet, was usually held on the next to the last night of the cruise. It was everything that the nightly midnight buffet was, except on an even larger scale. There were extraordinary ice carvings, spotlighted with colored light from all sides, above and below; trays of lobster; music playing….

Passengers began to line up at eleven o’clock, for the Grand Buffet. Not to partake, but to participate in the photo shoot that took place from eleven-thirty to midnight. They allowed the passengers to walk through the buffet and take photos, and videos. Classical music played through the speakers while, in the background, the maitre d’s voice droned, “….and in a single week’s cruise…,†as you passed tray after tray of ‘mystery meat’ and ‘some kinda stuff,’ “….we use approximately a gazillion eggs, 740 cows,…†past some more fruit carvings, and some salad things, “….enough wine to fill 1.45 swimming pools,…†and then to the chafing dishes of hot food(?). Finally, tables full of deserts. It was absolutely mind-boggling. Never mind that it all tasted pretty mediocre….the presentation is what counted. After all, when you showed those pictures, and videos, to friends, they could only see the food, not taste it.

It was also a way to check out the buffet, beforehand, so you could save room on your plate for something extraordinary towards the end of the line. Of course, if you were smart, you grabbed two plates.

At 1:30 am, they reduced the size of the buffet, brought our fresh dishes of food, and had a 1:30 “mini-buffet.†You had to make sure that you had enough to eat at this buffet, because they wouldn’t be serving food again until 6:00 am….and, room service can be such a pain!

Dinners were more than meals; Each and every evening was a creation of food and entertainment.

After all of the entrees were served, and seconds taken care of, the waiters and bus boys would mysteriously disappear. Lights would dim, and, suddenly, music would start playing and the performers, formerly the servers, would sing the song de jour.

On Italian Night, it was “O Sole Mio;†On U.S.A. Night, “God Bless America,†and so forth. With flaming Baked Alaska, to the tune of “Hot, Hot, Hot!†they’d march and dance across the dining room.

Carnival was the master of the “dinner show,†with a different theme, and production number for the wait staff, every night.

What a kick, when the lights were turned low and each waiter and bus boy held a lit Bic over his head, as he sang, “God Bless America.†Forgetting the somberness of the song, and its deep meaning to many of us, you just had to smile, knowing that a number of the members of the choral group did not speak very much English, and had no idea what they were singing about.

And, let’s not forget the little table shows. At dinner, one evening, one of the appetizer choices was Frog’s Legs. After serving the appetizers, the waiter folded a little Origami frog, and then assisted it across the table with a flick of his finger. Someone looking for a tip?

The dining room entertainment was a large component of the cruise experience, but the food was the main act. It still is.

Once again, an area that has undergone an extraordinary transformation.

While the midnight buffet may be a memory, it has been replaced by some awesome alternatives.

Princess keeps it’s buffet open twenty-four hours, changing with the time of day. From 11:00 pm to 6:oo am, half the buffet area is closed off and serves as a full-sevice restaurant.

Carnival has a “late night buffet.†Same food as the old midnight buffet, with no ice carvings and fruit and veggie animals… Oh, they’ve added 24-hour pizza, Stromboli and Caesar salad.

In fact, all of the lines have added more food options than would have been imagined even five years ago.

The new wave looks like it will be more along the lines of the alternative dining, now offered on many lines, “Freestyle Cruising,†NCL’s entry and Princess’ “Personal Choice.†I have very mixed feelings about this particular revolution.

The one concern you hear most often, about “traditional dining,†is the worry that you’ll be trapped, for seven days, with the tablemates from Hell. We’ve found that just the opposite is true. While I have not made too many lifelong friends over dinner, I have met, and enjoyed the company, of a great number of interesting people. Some were much younger, and some more elderly, but all very interesting. Only once did I have a real problem.

My cruising companion and I were seated at a table for six, with a woman and her two children, a son and a daughter. The children were not well behaved, at all, and spent the entire meal squabbling, arguing and fighting. Mother was not only no help, but actually added to the problem.

This behavior was already in full swing when we arrived at the table, and continued unabated. The children were baiting each other, and both were bickering with mom, who was as bad as the two children. At one point, mom rolled her eyes, huffed, or puffed, and sat silent for a few seconds. The daughter finally turned to her and asked what was wrong. The mother looked at her, paused for the proper amount of time, and, then, in that tone that only a mother is able to produce; the one that says that everything in the whole world has gone wrong and nothing can fix it, replied, “….nothing….â€Â

While this would all be annoying under almost any circumstances, the fact that the two children were in their mid-to-late twenties made it even more sufferable. Of course, there was no question in my mind, based upon their behavior (particularly, mom’s!), as to why two young, attractive, people of their age had to take a cruise with Mommy.

In my own “special†style (some would call it ‘obnoxious’) which surfaces, occasionally, in circumstances like this, I decided to play my “…don’t get angry, get even…†game.

Somewhere about half way through the soup, I turned to my companion and said, “Boy, this sure is some f***ing good soup. Them @#(*&%& in the kitchen can sure make some $#*% good food…†That shut “mom and the kids†up for no more than ten seconds. As they carried on their squabbling, I continued my potty mouthing. Each time, I could see mom cringe, just a bit.

At the end of the meal, we asked the maitre d’ to please find us another table. I explained that the waiter and bus boy were excellent, but we did not enjoy the company of our tablemates. The next morning, at breakfast, he advised us that he had reassigned us to another table, with the same waiter. More important, we were seated with six charming fellow passengers and had wonderful mealtimes for the remainder of the cruise.

As I looked over to the table where he had dinner the night before, with mom and the kids, I noticed it was empty. I guess we were not alone in our table-changing request.

I have always enjoyed “traditional dining,†at a large table. I feel that you get to know six, or eight, new people, intimately, during the course of the cruise; your waiter and bus boy (now Assistant Waiter) learn your preferences and meet them; and there is a general friendliness in the dining room. We never minded the “timetable,†and automatically adjusted our schedule accordingly. It was just something that was a part of the cruise.

In fact, I never even gave it a second thought. I figure most people eat dinner about the same time, every night, at home, so why should it be different?

Even more important, it was unheard of that you would have to pay for dinner! You took a cruise and knew that your meals were included. Now, they’re going to tell you that dinner in the dining room is only mediocre, but if you want a good dinner, try our “Twenty-Dollar-Extra Café.†Nonsense!!! It will never work.

The only exception was that I did love to have dinner in Le Bistro, aboard the NCL ships. I was not the least bit concerned over the “suggested five-dollar per person gratuity.†In fact, I never left the waiter less than fifteen dollars, for two of us. It wasn’t as if I was paying the cruise line for my dinner, I was recognizing the very special service that the waiter and bus boy provided. It was always superb. The fact that the food was excellent was an added bonus.

Our first, and only, experience with NCL’s “Freestyle†was a nightmare.

First of all, there were far too many “alternative†(spell that “extra chargeâ€Â) restaurants. Not only did you have to pay, but it was imperative that you made a reservation, far in advance. Well, if you have to commit to dinner at a certain time, the next day, what makes it “Freestyle?â€Â

The alternative bistros aside, there were problems with the “regular†dining rooms. If you didn’t have a reservation, the minimum wait was 20-30 minutes. It could be up to an hour! I’m sorry, but I don’t want to waste that type of time on my cruise. I’d rather be losing my money at the crap table. Then, once you were seated, they rushed you, due to all the people waiting.

On the other hand, if you have to make a reservation, in order to avoid the long wait, then you lose the entire concept.

I have heard, from fellow cruisers, that NCL has, in fact, made significant strides, in this area, and have overcome most of the problems. I’m considering giving them a second chance.

Princess, I must say, got their “Personal Choice Dining†right and, if other lines adopt a similar program, and run it as efficiently, I could get used to it.

Most of the time I was seated almost immediately, and never waited more than ten minutes. I always opted for a large table. Once seated, the service was excellent, and the food was admirable. The only food which I feel is better than Princess is that served on Celebrity. I enjoyed the freedom that PC allows; maybe staying in a port an extra hour, or grabbing a pre-dinner nap. All-in-all a positive experience.

Now matter how many transformations cruising goes through, some things will always remain a constant. A good cruise is measured not in stars, or points, in a guide to cruising, but pounds gained.

"Hmmm... good cruise!"

PART 5 - SHOOTING THE DICE

I am not a gambler. Other than a regular poker game with the guys, in my youth, and an occasional “Las Vegas Night†at a local charity, I had never gambled at all. I used to go to Jai Alai, and play the $3.00 quinella, once in a while; and there was the office World Series, and Super Bowl, pools; and the lottery…..

That first night, as I entered the Casino, the lights and sounds were mind-boggling, and the machines and tables all called out, “play me…play me…play me...†I walked from table to table (“…play me…play me…â€Â) watching, totally fascinated, as chips went back and forth, mostly forth.

I stopped at a game which had just come from Aruba, where it was born. At the time it could only be found in its native land and on Carnival ships. It was called Caribbean Stud, (“…play me… play me…â€Â) and was on the ships on a trial basis.

The roulette table was familiar, (“…play me…play me…) since I had played it with my kids, for jellybeans, when they were little. I really didn’t enjoy losing my jellybeans, so I figured I’d like it even less if I lost real money…

I, then, came to the blackjack tables, and succumbed to the call….â€Âplay me.†I did.

Beginner’s luck, I guess, and a few hours resulted in a nice, little, net gain.

I haven’t mentioned the crap table, yet, which eventually became my favorite table in the house, because it wasn’t until several cruises later that I mastered the basic intricacies of the game. All in due time.

A few days into the cruise, during a day at sea, the Casino was practically empty. In order to stimulate some type of action, they opened a $2.00 blackjack table. Boy, it was like playing with a group of friends.

With $2.00 stakes, there was lots of kibitzing at the table, and we all became fast friends. We all joked, back and forth, and were, generally, having a great time. It didn’t hurt that the dealer could do nothing right, for himself, and after an hour, or so, we were all, a minimum of, fifty-dollars, or more, ahead. This is quite a feat, at a $2.00 table, where the players really played only the $2.00, with an occasional double-down or split.

At one point, I was dealt a pair of jacks, to the dealer’s eight. Someone at the table began to laugh, and said, “Why don’t you split them, Jeff.†By this time, most of us were on a first-name basis. Another player prodded and teased me, and, laughing along with them, I split the jacks…

An older woman, at the table, sucked in her breath, and began a tirade, “Sir, I’m a serious player… this is no place to be fooling around, since you destroy the odds for serious

players… this is a serious game, and it’s no place to be playing games…†On and on she went, without exaggeration, for a full three or four minutes. The other players, and the dealer, were looking at her in utter incredulity! She ranted, and raged, on-and-on-and….

I could not believe her outburst, at a very friendly two-dollar table. One minute, we were all goofing around, having a great time, and winning some money; the next, Ms. Serious Two Dollars was throwing a tantrum. Finally, I turned to her. “Look, lady, if you’re such a f***ing serious player, what are you doing at a two-dollar table?†Turning red, and not saying a word, she grabbed her chips, and left the table. I turned, and was about to apologize to the others at the table, when the dealer, proper British accent, and all, looked at me and said, “Thank you, sir. She’s been a bore this entire cruise….â€Â

To this day, I swear that the thing that really annoyed her, most, was that I pulled two “twenties,†the dealer “busted,†and everyone at the table won, except you-know-who, who also “busted…..â€Â

One of the dealers taught me a very important lesson, on that first cruise. These three “rules†have probably kept me “ahead†more than anything else, with the exception of being very lucky!

The first is based on a very simple premise. When you are ahead, the winnings are your money! That money, once it’s on your side of the table, belongs to you. It is not the “house’s money,†“their money,†or anyone else’s. If you pick it up, and walk away, nobody can stop you. You can cash in the chips, put the money in your wallet, and spend it any was you wish. When you play with the money you’ve won, you play it no differently than the money you took out of your wallet.

The second is just as easy. When you walk up to the table, set a “high-low†limit. Decide, in advance, how much you are willing to lose, and purchase only that amount in chips. If your luck is running bad, and you lose that stake, walk away. Don’t ever reach into your pocket for more. Consider it the cost of an evening’s entertainment. Conversely, set a “winnings†limit. Usually, a good number is twice your original stake. You can adjust it, but stick to it. When you hit that number, walk away and cash in.

Finally, is the “three play†rule. Whether at a table, or a machine, if you don’t win one hand, in the first three, walk away.

These suggestions have done well for me. In all of our cruises, I lost one two hundred dollars, once; fifty-dollars, twice; broken even, twice; and have come out ahead on all of the rest. It might have been ten-dollars, over a seven-day cruise, but it was a win. Several times the figure went over the thousand dollar mark, but I won’t say by how much. It’s my secret ‘lucky charm.’

On this first cruise, I was fortunate enough to walk off the ship with a nice few hundred dollars in winnings. My money!

The favorite lesson I ever got, in a casino, was the session where I first learned the basics of the crap table. And, things would never be the same, again….

I was in the Casino aboard the Caribe I, on the afternoon of a day beautiful at sea. The casino was practically empty, and the dealers were visibly bored. I was standing near the crap table, looking at all the funny boxes, and circles, with their attendant hieroglyphics, totally and completely bewildered. Suddenly, I heard the dealer’s voice, “Would you care to play, sir?†I looked up and responded, “I don’t have the slightest notion, in the world, of how to play this game.†Without missing a beat, he replied, “That doesn’t stop the most of the people who play this table every night.â€Â

OK, I figured, it was time to learn. He asked if I had fifty dollars I was willing to risk, and I bought fifty dollars worth of chips. He started with the simple bets, the Pass Line and the Odds bet. I threw the dice, until my arm was sore, going up and down for the first few minutes. He then showed me how to “cover the six and eight,†and admonished me to always play the six and eight separately, and not play the “6/8†on the corners. Most tables have removed them, but the odds are lower, for the same bet, if they are still there and you play them.

After a short while, when I was very comfortable with the initial three bets, he showed me how the play the “Come Line.†It turns out it’s really not all that complicated.

So, now I knew how to play the Pass Line, Odds bet, Come Line and cover the six and eight. What’s next? “Nothing,†he tells me. Once I had those basic bets down pat, he showed me a modified “system,†using a combination of the four plays. The other bets from the Horn Bet to the C & E, including the “hard ways,†are ALL house bets! Playing any one, or a combination, of those bets only increases the house’s odds of winning and, obviously, you chance of losing. Technically, you don’t even know what they are, how they work, or what they are called. Act as if they are not even on the table.

Once I had those basic bets down pat, he showed me a modified “system,†using a combination of the four plays.

Speaking of losing, it took me about an hour to lose my fifty-dollar investment, and it was fifty-dollars well spent. First of all, I learned the rudimentary play of the game which has become my favorite. Second, the dealer’s sense of humor turned out to be as amusing as his opening line, and we had a great time.

Although the crap table has become my destination of choice, I wonder if that would be the case if I had come back, that evening, and lost another fifty, or hundred, dollars. In any event, that wasn’t how it turned out. I was fortunate enough to win back the fifty I had lost, during my afternoon lesson, and an additional fifty.

One other important thing to remember is to always “toke†(tip) the dealer. Placing a one-dollar bet, for the dealer, at the blackjack table, throwing a dollar chip down onto the Pass Line, for “the boys (and girls, nowadays),†at the crap table, or tossing a chip to the dealer at other tables is more than a nice gesture.

Many players, myself included, play a modified “system,†at the crap table. Very often, the action gets hot and heavy, and a regular bet is not placed, in the frenzy of the game. On more than one occasion, I have had a dealer remind me, “Sir, did you want to place a ‘come bet?’†Yes, the forgotten bet gets placed, and, more often than not, pays off! All for a little toke.

The dealers appreciate the tips very much, and tend to remember the “generous†players. Very often, they will ask your name, and, whenever you return to the Casino, they will address you, by name. It just makes for a friendlier atmosphere.

PART 6 - "I GET HOOKED" HAS NOW BEEN POSTED