Kids - More Out of Control???

hamster92256 · July 3, 2005

GottaCruz-speaking from experience, girls at that age are a handful, our daughter went from sweet and innocent 12yr old to something that is hard to discribe. It took till she was almost 16 before she realized that her parents were just trying to keep her from getting into trouble, it was a long 4 yrs!!! She will be 23 this year, is a certified pre-school teacher, working as a nanny while still attending college.(GPA 3.8) We are very proud of her, did I say that there is a spot on my head where I pulled my hair out? :grin:

Now my oldest was the easy, since sports was his life if he did anything out of line we would cancel a game, a weeks worth of games, a month, a whole season once. Peer pressure works when the team is losing because a player is watching from the stands! And we would bring him to watch.

JoeyandDavid · July 3, 2005

Let me pose a question to all you fine parents out there.

When you child has made a stupid decision (like we all have when growing up).

Do you tend to:

1) respond like your parents did when you did something similar.

2) punish first ask questions afterwards

3) handle it the way you said you would when were that age. ( well I'm not gonna treat my kids like this!)

Just wondered

chasbos · July 3, 2005

Well lets see! I think I punish in a similar way!

I was a very unruly child - if I was not happy - then nobody was happy! (I am still sort of that way, but that is another story!) My parents never made a big deal out of the situation and I usual came around and started to behave better.

They were also never very strict, but when we crossed that line - then we knew it!

I like to give my kids freedom to make there own decisions, good or bad. When they make the wrong ones then the s**t hits the fan.

I think my kids are a lot more independant than most their ages - this can be good and bad. When that independant streak wants to come out when it is non-negotiable, that is when things can get a little out of control. But we just explain that for somethings - Mom and Dad have the final say.

It usually works

GottaCruz · July 4, 2005

hamster- another 3 years of this??? I hope not. Those gray hairs are really becoming plentiful now. I'm just holding my breath a bit and hoping that we can get through with minor issues and nothing too dreadful. That would be great. Thanks for the encouragement. I'm sure that things will calm down a bit. In fact, I'm hoping that last year, 12 , was the worst, when I was sick and all. At that time, I didn't have to worry about gray hair, since I had none. There seems to be a definite improvement now. At least , I'm glad to have those gray hairs back again. :grin:

JoeyandDavid- none of your three choices apply. What we do is we take away privileges and have explained many times that there are necessities and privileges and that when we feel you've done something that is really wrong, we , as parents , only have to provide the necessites, food, clothing and shelter- everything else - computer, tv, seeing friends, is all a privilege that has to be earned. We take away privileges accordingly but always make sure that the punishment, or lack of privilege, fits the crime. DD also know that there are consequences to her actions. If you choose the wrong action, you choose the consequence, so it doesn't just come out of the blue.

We have seen a huge improvement since we had to adopt these policies. The weird thing is, the more control we take, the better things are. I thought the opposite would happen. From what I've learned from others, the teens actually want to feel that their parents are in control, though they don't realize it and definitely won't admit it. It makes them feel safe, secure and loved. It really does work. Thank God!!!!

JoeyandDavid · July 4, 2005

You know I think you hit the nail on the head. Its like me does think you protest to much.. After all they are kids and are scared, That makes a lot of sense. at least to me.

It's just good to know taht there are still what I consider good kids out there;)

Lisa63 · July 4, 2005

Well said, GottaCruz! We do exactly the same thing with our son. We've done our best to instill in him that all decisions have consequences. At his age, taking away computer privileges at home, or an afternoon of swimming on a cruise, seems to do it. Although he has cognitive impairments, this still works well. (He's 11, with about a 4-year delay.) Sometimes, he'll start to misbehave, but then he'll catch himself and say, "I'm better now. Can we go to the pool?" So, I know he gets it.

Very often, pax from neighboring tables in the dining room will approach us at the end of the cruise and compliment our son on his good behavior. That means a lot to all of us. Positive reinforcement does a lot, too. :smiley:

hamster92256 · July 5, 2005

Lisa63 our youngest also has similar impairments and has to be treated a little different from the two older sibs, he is 15 with about a 3 year delay. Our biggest worry are the other kids that he is with, as he is easily led.

cruisinmama · July 16, 2005

WOW:

QUOTE: I for one do not put up with any human being (of any age) being disruptive. I have personally tripped a number of "heathens" running in the halls at 12 midnight (sticking the leg out the door when they come your way does wonders!!!!). I have also grabbed more than one shrieking kid running around my chair and shoved them towards their stupid parents with a stiff warning to keep their "monsters" out of my space.

Well if you had ever grabbed one of my children you wouldn't do it again..touching other peoples children in my book is a HUGE No-NO....

As as far as causing them injury sounds quite extreme to me, and actually quite immature..like really who is the adult here??? Causing harm to others isn't a way to solve problems....

I'm sure ship security could be called to stop such activities ??

Many parents raise kids to be respectful of others and make sure they follow the rules...

Again many parents don't...

But then again if you choose to Crusie during Spring Break or other high kids time, then perhaps it is you who needs to choose a better Cruise time...

I will also say if my dh & I wanted a quite relaxing Cruise we wouldn't pick high season times either.. No Spring Break or near other major Holidays to try and avoid those high party times..