The Greatest Cruise Story Ever Told !!!

[SMB]

Fellow Cruisecrazies,

I preface this long posting with a challenge. What follows is the story of the first cruise my wife and I ever took. I’d love to hear other stories you might have to top it. For those of you who read my recent adventure story about almost missing the ship in Mexico, you’ll understand why that story is all the funnier after reading the following.

I’ve traveled the world and lived abroad, but I had never been interested in cruising. I just could not imagine what people found so exciting about sitting on a boat all day (I can, now). My wife had been hinting (like a rolling pin to the head) about going on a cruise, but I had yet to give in to her desire. All changed Spring Break of 2005. I had just finished grading a huge set of papers and contemplating what to do with the week long break ahead. I had determined that I should visit an aging and ailing great-aunt in Pennsylvania. As I looked for a deal on flights to Pittsburgh, I thought to myself “why in the world would I want to spend my spring break in cold, gray, snowy western PA. Like a sign from the cruise gods, an ad appeared on the website banner that advertised “Amazing deals on last minutes cruises.†I checked the deals and found a terrific offer of $399 for a week on Holland America’s Zaandam in the Eastern Caribbean. The choice: 30 degrees and snow in Pittsburgh or 80 degrees and sand in St. Thomas… a NO-BRAINER!

I called my wife and asked her if she could ditch work (she’s a kindergarten teacher) next week to go on a cruise. She said she was “feeling a terrible illness†coming on and would be calling out of work next week… BOOK IT!

That was how we ended up booking our first cruise Thursday night, just 36 hours from departure. Of course, I did not buy insurance. What could happen in such a short time? We ran to the mall for updated swimwear, came home, packed, and were ready to go by the time we went to bed that night. The next day, we left for Florida. We had decided that we would drive part of the way from Atlanta to Port Canaveral Friday night and have a leisurely drive the rest of the way Saturday. Before we left, we stopped by my in-laws to exchange cars. Our cars are a bit old and my father-in-law was kind enough to let us borrow his new BMW to ride in style. We finally got out of Atlanta and headed south. I guess the excitement kept me going, because I did not feel tired enough to stop for the night until we hit Jacksonville around 1:00 AM. This is where the adventure begins….

I was amazed to find it difficult to get a room. Feeling a little like Mary and Joseph, we kept going from hotel to hotel only to find they were full for the night. Finally I had to ask, “What is going on in this town?†The answer: BIKE WEEK. I had no idea about bike week. Most of you who cruise often or live in Florida know to what I am referring. For those who don’t… Bike Week is when the Harley Davidson Gates of Hell open and every motorcyclist on the continent flock to Florida like migrating birds. The epicenter of Bike Week is Daytona Beach, but the entire east coast of Florida is consumed. We finally found ONE room left at the Days Inn in St. Augustine. The night clerk, who I could smell from behind the bulletproof glass, said the room was $159. I’m not paying $159 for a Days Inn room for 6hrs sleep. I finally talked him down to $75 for the remainder of the night. As exhausted as we now were, we decided to sleep in Saturday morning, go for a nice lunch in St. Augustine, and then make our way to the ship.

We got up late Saturday morning and began getting ready. My wife showered first, then I went in.

When I came out of the shower after her, she asked, “Have you seen my purse? I want to call my father to let him know we made it safely last night.â€Â

“No, you must have left it in the car.â€Â

“I just checked the car and I did not see it. Are you sure you did not put it somewhere?â€Â

“I’m sure.â€Â

After another quick look around the room and car, we realized her purse was not there. We called her father and sure enough, her purse had been left behind when we exchanged cars. He had found it last night, but had no idea where we were staying or how to reach us. Her purse had, among other items, her wallet, cell phone, and our passports. I had my driver’s license, but my wife had no ID for getting on the ship. We called the cruise line and asked if there was any way to get on without ID. “NO!†Ok, how about a faxed photocopy? “NO!†(Only later did we find out that was a lie. A copy would have been OK).

My wife broke down, “@#!$%#@&*, What are we going to do? It is 11:00. The ship is leaving at 5:00 and they said the latest we could board was 4:00.â€Â

“OK, Let’s think. We can’t drive back to Atlanta in time. We can’t meet someone half way and make it back in time. The only thing we can do is see if someone can fly down and meet us.â€Â

We called AirTran because they were the only carrier that would still have “cheap†seats. Yes, we could get a ticket to Jacksonville, but my mother (the only one who could make the flight) would have to rent a car and drive to Orlando to get a flight back. I could not ask her to do that. We were sunk. We were in St. Augustine, minutes from the ship, and we could not board. I called my mother to fill her in on the situation. We were coming home. We were packing up to head home when my father called the hotel room. He had an idea.

“Have you ever heard of Delta Dash?â€Â

“No.â€Â

“It is a service where the pilots carry special items from city to city. They usually use it for rushing transplant organs, but they might ship passports. I’ll call them.â€Â

Twenty minutes later he calls back. “I called Delta Dash and they said it was no problem. There is a flight leaving for Jacksonville. The flight leaves soon, but I might make it to the airport in time. Call me in 45 minutes for instructions.â€Â

“OK, Thanks Dad!â€Â

Forty-five minutes later, “Well, I hit traffic getting to the airport. I didn’t make the flight. After checking with other airports, the only flight making it to Florida in time would be Orlando. The problem is the flight arrives at 2:30. You have to be there before 3:00 or they will have to process the package through the airport which could add 2 hrs. Can you make it between 2:30 and 3:00?â€Â

“We don’t have a choice. Thanks.â€Â

We jumped in the car and took off down the highway. About 30 minutes down the road, we remembered a very important factor… BIKE WEEK! The highway was at a dead stop. We were not going to make it to Orlando. That is when I had the brilliant idea that all interstates had old highways running parallel to them. I knew which direction Orlando was in. So, I exited the interstate and followed my gut. It seemed to go well. The road was wide and we were zipping along toward Orlando. Then the road suddenly went from six to four to two lanes. When the road turned into gravel at a stop sign, I knew it was over. I turned back around and stopped for directions at a senior center.

“Excuse me,†I said to a nice lady in the parking lot, “Is the highway to Orlando nearby?â€Â

“Oh, it is not far at all. You take a right and go though the stoplight. Keep going straight until you get to the highway.â€Â

After thanking the lady, I turned to my wife. “That is right back where we got off the highway. It took us 20 minutes to get here. We will have wasted 45 minutes and be right where we started with all the traffic. We are not going to make it.â€Â

I drove back to the stoplight and happened to look right. Way down the road, I spotted the interstate overpass. The highway was about half a mile away. We were saved. Crazy lady. What was she thinking?! BUT, before I could turn the car right, through the light came….

Wait for it… Wait for it….

A FUNERAL PROCESSION!

A long funeral procession to be exact. This is when I turned to my wife and said. “Do you get the feeling someone is telling us something? I think the ship is doing to sink. We are being kept from getting on for some important reason.â€Â

The procession continued. Finally, I was able to turn the car and follow the procession to the highway. I zipped along the highway on the off chance we would still make it.

We got to Orlando by 2:00. I stopped at a gas station and looked at a map.

Where was the airport? Oh, there it is. Wait. There are TWO airports and both labeled “international.†Which is it?

We got on the perimeter road around Orlando and headed for the first airport. That was when I discovered the perimeter road was a toll road. What fun. I never carry change, but that day I happened to have a pocket full of change. I fed one toll after another as we went to the airport.

When we exited for the first airport, it became very obvious we were not at THE airport. So, back on the toll road. Toll after toll after toll. 50 cents a pop and I’m running out of coins.

We finally reach the airport, park the car, and run in to find Delta. We find Delta, but are told Delta Dash is in a separate building about a mile away. We get back to the car, find our way to Delta Dash, and run in… at 3:05. We are too late. The package has been processed. We have to wait.

There is no way we will make it from Orlando to Port Canaveral in time.

Just when all hope was lost, the package arrived. The pilot had known our situation and made sure to rush the processing. It is now 3:30. We have 30 minutes to get from Orlando to the dock. I knew the Beeline was the fasted route to the ship. So, I asked for directions to the Beeline.

“Sure, you just go out here, take a right, take a left onto the highway, and you’ll see the exit on your right. It is only a couple miles. YOU CAN’T MISS IT.†(famous last words that doom any traveler).

We jump in the car and I told my wife, “we are going to make it even if I have go 100 mph down the Beeline.†I take a right, take a left on the highway, and I’m looking for a sign for the Beeline. I go over a major road, but no sign saying the Beeline. I keep going… through a tollbooth.

“Jenn, I think we are on the perimeter road again and that can’t be right.â€Â

Another tollbooth later. “We ARE on the perimeter road. We’ve got to get directions.â€Â

We flagged down a truck and asked for the Beeline. It had been the road we went over a few miles back. The sign for the Beeline does not say “Beeline.†It says “State-road 528.â€Â

We turn around and get back on the toll road. I am now at the last tollbooth and I can see the Beeline ahead. I reach in my pocket for the 50 cents. By this point, I’ve fed so many tollbooths, that all I have is 4 pennies and a nickel. There are no attendants to make change. Good citizen that I am, I’m sitting at the tollbooth deciding how to get through. Finally, I punch the accelerator with the knowledge that a camera was now taking a picture of the license plate and would be sending a ticket to the owner of the car… my father-in-law.

We get on the Beeline/528 and I race toward the dock at about 90-100 mph. We see the ship and make our way to the dock. All I could think was the torture it would be as I saw the ship, but could not get on. We rounded into the check-in lane on 2 wheels, screeched to a halt, and the porter ran up. There was no time for tags on the luggage, JUST GET ON THE SHIP.

It is 4:15 and we are at the check-in counter.

“Did we make it?â€Â

“Just barely, we close the hatch at 4:30. You’re very lucky.†I’m not sure that is the word for it. We felt better knowing there was one last party that pulled in after us. We went to our upgraded stateroom (first good surprise of the day) and collapsed. We had made it on the cruise. We agreed we would have a great story to tell of the one that almost got away, and all would be smooth sailing from here.

LITTLE DID WE KNOW the cruise gods were not finished with us, yet….

Part II later.

[KeithnRita]

Wow, what a great story with a happy ending? Can't wait for part II!

[KeithnRita]

Wow, what a great story with a happy ending? Can't wait for part II!

[SCIROCCO]

Hiya My Friend kinda sounds like my first cruise I didnt want to get on another ship since I went overseas on troop ships in the Military and I said I wouldnt enjoy the cruise and so on and so on when we returned they had to nearly drag me off after that its history! Great Story My Friend and thanks for sharing it cant wait for part two Sir SMB!

[SCIROCCO]

Hiya My Friend kinda sounds like my first cruise I didnt want to get on another ship since I went overseas on troop ships in the Military and I said I wouldnt enjoy the cruise and so on and so on when we returned they had to nearly drag me off after that its history! Great Story My Friend and thanks for sharing it cant wait for part two Sir SMB!

[rogue]

That's a great story. If the rest is that exciting, this is the makings of a great book (at least a great magazine article).

[rogue]

That's a great story. If the rest is that exciting, this is the makings of a great book (at least a great magazine article).

[cruisetarp]

SMB - Can't wait for Chapter 2 - It sounds like you had quite an adventure.

[cruisetarp]

SMB - Can't wait for Chapter 2 - It sounds like you had quite an adventure.

[momwig]

Wow I'm tired just reading about your ADVENTURE[/size]