Anyone have any cruise ship jokes???

[hazelson]

A cruise ship passes by a small desert island.

Everyone watches as a ratty looking bearded fellow runs out on the beach and starts shouting and waving his hands.

"Who's that?' asked a passenger.

"I have no idea," replies the captain, "But every time we sail past he goes nuts!"

Top that groaner lol!!!

[KeithnRita]

An oldie:

An elderly couple was on a cruise and the weather was really stormy. They were standing at the stern of the boat watching the moon when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. The crew searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 ...please advise." The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap"

[hazelson]

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."

"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

[BSCorvette]

A cruise ship passes by a small desert island.

Everyone watches as a ratty looking bearded fellow runs out on the beach and starts shouting and waving his hands.

"Who's that?' asked a passenger.

"I have no idea," replies the captain, "But every time we sail past he goes nuts!"

Top that groaner lol!!!

LOLOL

[lindasuelucas]

[RayColey]

A guy spends the evening in the casino and strikes up a friendship with another guy. After a few hours and a few drinks, he says, "My wife and I have a suite on the top deck. Let's go up there and have a few more drinks." The second guy says OK.

They go up to the first guy's suite and go in.

"Hi, Honey," he calls. "I'm back with a friend!"

"OK," she replies. "Have some scotch, but none for me."

At the sound of her voice the two guys notice that the wife is naked on the sofa with another man.

"Well, let's have a couple of scotch and sodas," says the first.

"But, but, what about that man on the sofa with your wife?" asks the second.

"The hell with him," the first replies. "He can fix his own drink."

[BSCorvette]

A guy spends the evening in the casino and strikes up a friendship with another guy. After a few hours and a few drinks, he says, "My wife and I have a suite on the top deck. Let's go up there and have a few more drinks." The second guy says OK.

They go up to the first guy's suite and go in.

"Hi, Honey," he calls. "I'm back with a friend!"

"OK," she replies. "Have some scotch, but none for me."

At the sound of her voice the two guys notice that the wife is naked on the sofa with another man.

"Well, let's have a couple of scotch and sodas," says the first.

"But, but, what about that man on the sofa with your wife?" asks the second.

"The hell with him," the first replies. "He can fix his own drink."

ROFLMAO

[lindasuelucas]

A guy spends the evening in the casino and strikes up a friendship with another guy. After a few hours and a few drinks, he says, "My wife and I have a suite on the top deck. Let's go up there and have a few more drinks." The second guy says OK.

They go up to the first guy's suite and go in.

"Hi, Honey," he calls. "I'm back with a friend!"

"OK," she replies. "Have some scotch, but none for me."

At the sound of her voice the two guys notice that the wife is naked on the sofa with another man.

"Well, let's have a couple of scotch and sodas," says the first.

"But, but, what about that man on the sofa with your wife?" asks the second.

"The hell with him," the first replies. "He can fix his own drink."

ROFLMAO

love it!! 

[hazelson]

[jacketwatch]

Its not quite a cruise joke but the CD on our very first cruise told this story to the audience B4 the show.

"I have some good news. Someone reported a black purse with gold straps lost and it has been reported found by a Miss Helen Hunt who is at the pursers desk. So whoever lost it can go to "hell and hunt" for it. "